


(You are to Me) What Art is to an Artist

by skinsharpenedteeth (Skinsharpenedteeth)



Series: College AU [2]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Canonical Character Death, College, Explicit Sexual Content, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Intercrural Sex, M/M, Minor Character Death, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Oral Sex, friendlier to maria than Truth or Dare, isobel is awesome and supportive, the author has never taken a college level art course
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:28:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 43,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27487297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skinsharpenedteeth/pseuds/skinsharpenedteeth
Summary: Five times Alex models for Michael and the One time Michael models for him.Alex Manes, the hot Halloween hook-up, shows up in Michael's figure drawing class as a nude model. Michael decides to pursue him despite the disastrous ending to their hook-up where Alex told him it was a one time thing. Fate would put them in each other's path again if he wasn't meant to take the chance at convincing Alex he could make him happy, right?
Relationships: Michael Guerin & Alex Manes, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: College AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1964998
Comments: 53
Kudos: 110





	1. Ask

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation of the college AU I started with [ Truth or Dare](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26930182). You don't have to read that one to understand this one, but if you want a nice little one hit of smut and miscommunication it's there for your perusal. 
> 
> Also, this is labeled as a Five Times, but there are interludes between those times. The Numbered Times and their interludes get longer as the story goes on so I've broken them into their own chapters for ease of reading. I hope you guys enjoy this and if I missed a tag or something, please let me know. 
> 
> A ***GIANT*** thank you to the 18+ Roswell Discord group for helping me shape this story and to [PrimalMusic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/primalmusic) for beta'ing it for me. This was a lot of fun to write.

“New Model Monday!” screeched Isobel as she pushed past Michael before turning and stopping in front of him, her face lit up in unrestrained glee. Michael grinned at her and shook his head.

“No sleep and too much coffee or just too much coffee?” he asked her after she looped her arm in his and they continued walking down the paved pathway towards the Fine Arts Building. She’d convinced him to take Figure Drawing as an elective that semester as a way to shake up his ‘boring nerd schedule.’ He hadn’t fought her terribly hard since he already liked art and it couldn’t hurt to learn how to draw humans, but he hadn’t expected her genuine excitement for the class. She had enrolled in all entrepreneur business courses and this was a schedule shake-up for her as well. They’d made it halfway through the semester so far and had four models so far for the class.

“Maybe too much coffee. Maybe I’m just excited it’s New Model Monday. Think we’ll get some actual eye candy for once?” she asked, high heeled boots crunching over the newly fallen leaves. It was cool enough to need a coat, but Michael tended to get by with a sweatshirt and an undershirt with jeans. Isobel was layered perfection with boots, jeans, a tunic sweater with a wide belt, and a slouchy knit cap.

“If you’re lucky. Hated drawing that old woman that much?” Michael asked with a grin, opening the glass door into the Arts building for Isobel before following her in. The hallways were still relatively full as people milled around before finding their seats. Michael liked getting to the classroom early so he could claim his favorite spot where the instructor was more likely to ignore him. It wasn’t that he didn’t like drawing or felt that he wasn’t skilled enough with drawing, but the instructor seemed to delight in embarrassing him by calling out “how well an engineering student was doing with drawing humans instead of boxes.” It felt like a backhanded compliment every time she said it and he preferred to avoid the attention if possible. So, he quickly stepped inside the classroom and listened as Isobel babbled about wanting something nicer to look at than the decline of the human condition. 

They entered the classroom and Michael bee-lined for his favorite chair near the supply room door. The artist stations were set up in a horseshoe pattern around a foot-high stage. His place at the end of the horseshoe tended to escape the instructor’s notice. He never got the most flattering angles of the models from there, but it served his purpose in avoiding the instructor. He was unpacking his bag with Isobel continuing to yammer next to him about some fundraiser her sorority was putting on when he saw a flash of light blue satin pass behind his drawing pad. He continued setting up his pad and easel station knowing the light blue satin was just the model wearing the instructor’s provided modesty robe for while the models weren’t posing. It was kind of a flimsy robe, cheap fabric with Oriental designs of cranes and chrysanthemums on it, but Michael guessed it was better than hanging out in your all-together until show time. The room was gaining a draft as they got further into the semester.

“Oh my God, MICHAEL!” Isobel breathed, hands shooting out to grab Michael’s arm and digging her nails into him. He wrenched it from her grasp swearing under his breath as he looked at the half moon imprints she’d left in his skin. He glared at her, ready to tear into her over the marks when he noticed she wasn’t looking at him. She was staring with frank appraisal at someone across the room. Michael followed her line of sight and felt the blood drain from his face. It was Alex, the guy he'd slept with at the Halloween frat party. Alex wasn’t facing him, but Michael was sure of it. It’d only been a little over a week since he’d watched those exquisitely broad shoulders walk out of his bedroom and presumably out of his life. 

He tried to catalog every detail he could see, letting his eyes memorize every line of Alex’s body under the clingy robe and every piece of flesh that wasn’t covered. He was staring so intently he didn’t realize that Isobel was talking to him until she snapped her perfectly manicured fingers in front of his face.

“What?” he asked dumbly, looking at her for only a moment before turning back to continue staring at Alex. He was talking to the instructor about something, his hands animated in a familiar way that made Michael wonder if he’d been her student for a class, or perhaps had modeled for a previous semester…. How many people had seen Alex naked besides Michael? He felt a simmering jealousy burn in his stomach at how many people probably propositioned Alex after seeing him displayed for them as a literal piece of art. He wondered if Alex ever took them up on their offers… was Michael even special to have gotten Alex’s rather intimate attention? He wanted that night to be special, no matter how badly it had ended.

Michael wasn’t paying attention to anything Isobel was saying again. She made that fact abundantly clear as she shoved her drawing pad over to block his view. He turned to her and glared, which she returned with equal ferocity.

“If you eye-fuck him any harder, you two will be on an episode of Maury confirming you’re the father. What the fuck, Michael?” Isobel asked in a scathing tone, though her eyes had an edge of curiosity and concern that belied the angry tint to her voice. He immediately felt guilty for glaring at her. He let his eyes move back to Alex, wishing he’d turn around and see him sitting in the corner, possibly come talk to him so maybe they could work something out. Alex had said he didn’t date, but maybe Michael could change his mind? The universe wasn’t this perverse without a purpose, surely.

“That’s… that’s Halloween guy,” he stuttered, not able to meet her eye as he admitted it. He could hear her quick intake of breath, however, and could see her arching back to get another look at Alex around the giant pad of paper. She leaned back towards Michael, eyes wide with shock.

“That?! That is Halloween guy?” she asked, a bit incredulously. He swallowed and met her eyes. She studied him for a moment before her mouth did that thing… that thing that said she was sorry for her callousness, but she wouldn’t admit it out loud. She leaned back to look at him again and Michael felt his cheeks start to heat with embarrassment. He chanced a look over the top of her pad. Alex had turned his body more towards them so that he was in profile. Michael could see the silver glint of one of his nipple rings where the fabric of the robe gaped. Remembering the way he’d whimpered and sighed while Michael let his tongue and teeth tease that innocuous metal bar made Michael feel a little wild. He couldn’t throw away this opportunity, could he?

While Michael had been having a silent meltdown, the class had begun to fill up around them. He looked wildly at the empty seats still open and spotted an open easel right in front of where Alex would be standing. He made a split moment decision and without a word grabbed his things and hauled tail to claim it. He heard Isobel’s indignant squawk behind him, but just mouthed “LATER” at her when he caught her eye over his shoulder. She pouted at him, but then the bell rang and everyone turned to look towards where the instructor was standing in the middle of the horseshoe.

“Alright everyone, calm down, get out your charcoals. We’re going to do some action poses to warm up. This is our new model-” she gestured to Alex who was shouldering off the robe, somehow looking hotter as the satin bunched at his elbows when he gave the class a short wave, “- Alex. He’ll be with us the next four weeks. He’s a student here, so some of you may know him. I expect you to act like  _ adults _ inside and outside of class. Alex, if you’ll step up on the stage. Students, we’ll do 3-minute poses for the next fifteen minutes and then we’ll get to the detailed drawings.”

Alex let the robe drop from his fingers onto the chair. He threw a nervous smile at the instructor before stepping onto the podium and looking around the room. At first his eyes scanned right over Michael, but Michael waited and saw the quick jerk of his body as it hit him who he’d seen: The Ghost of Fuckings Past. Slowly, he turned his face back in Michael’s direction and stared, brows drawn together, confusion and anger warring on his face. Michael grinned and waved. It was a petty reaction, but he couldn’t help it. Alex was just as hot angry as he was in every other emotion Michael had had the pleasure of seeing.

“First pose!” The teacher announced with a clap. Alex moved his clenched fists to his hips, let his legs spread ever so slightly, puffed out his chest, and stared menacingly down at Michael. Michael let his eyes slowly move over the contours of Alex’s muscles and skin, remembering the way his skin tasted and how much it turned Alex on to have his lip bitten while they were making out. Unconsciously Michael started to rub his thumb over his own bottom lip as he kept up the eye contact with Alex. Alex watched the progress of his thumb and Michael bit his lower lip as he considered the things he’d like to do to Alex if he got the chance again.

“Mr. Guerin, you can flirt later,” the instructor stage whispered next to his ear out of nowhere, making Michael jump. The rest of the class tittered, and Michael felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment as he grabbed his charcoal and started a quick sketch of Alex’s pose. He avoided Alex’s eyes until he changed positions. This was exactly why he hated sitting anywhere but the end easel.

For the second position, Alex kneeled with his body in profile to Michael, knee bent and forearm resting across it, looking away and almost over his shoulder. Michael concentrated on his work, knowing the instructor was stalking behind him. He couldn’t help getting distracted by the way Alex’s body stretched and flexed. He remembered how he smelled like sweat and some fancy, herbal soap that reminded Michael of the nights spent sleeping in his truck out under the stars in the middle of the desert. It made it hard to view Alex as an object instead of as the person who’d blown his mind less than a month ago.

The third position was almost certainly a tease to Michael, as Alex sat with his back to Michael, knees spread wide on the floor, shoulders and arms back so his hands could grasp the soles of his feet, and head tilted towards the ceiling. Michael looked around at the other students observing Alex’s pose and besides Isobel, who was throwing Michael a knowing smile and thumbs-up from behind her pad, no one else seemed to be having the same reaction as Michael, who was having to fluff out his shirt so he could hide the partial boner he was getting from seeing Alex in such a provocative position. He tried to clear his mind and sketch but found himself thinking of the sounds Alex would make if he were straddling Michael’s lap, riding him hard and desperate. It would be hot to watch him working those thick, muscled thighs and hips with Michael beneath him.

The fourth position, Alex stood back up and was once again in profile, but on the opposite side. He hugged an arm around his torso and covered his face with the other before putting a heel to his toes. Michael had no problem sketching out this one without salacious memories intruding. It just reminded him of watching Alex walk down the road away from his frat house the night of the party. He’d been watching when Alex turned around and for a moment, he’d wondered if he’d come back and apologize for being such a dick, but instead he just turned and continued walking away.

“Oh, these are very bold lines, Mr. Guerin. For an engineering student, you really have a confident hand with charcoals. Very good,” the instructor cooed behind him. She always made it sound like he was a particularly stupid dog who’d managed to do a particularly simple, but cute trick. He sighed and tried to ignore her, continuing to sketch. He looked over at Isobel and caught her eye before rolling his towards the instructor. She smirked and rolled her eyes back in solidarity.

The last pose had Alex facing Michael again. He caught Michael’s eye and Michael could see the barest hint of a smirk on his lips. He stepped back into what looked like a fencing stance, one hand slightly behind his hip and the other reached out in front of him like he was beckoning Michael forward. Michael pursed his lips in slight annoyance and started his work. He got lost in drawing this time, just following the quickest impressions of Alex’s body and marking them on his paper.

“Okay, ten minute break and then we’ll start the long pose!” Michael flinched at the instructor's voice as it startled him out of the zone he’d been in, but dutifully set down his charcoal and stopped sketching. Alex relaxed his stance and turned to grab the robe off the chair behind the stand. Michael started to stand to go to talk to him, but before he could get further than an inch off his seat, he felt Isobel grab onto his sleeve with both hands and yank him back down.

“What the fuck, Iz?” He gave her bruising grip an annoyed look and she let go of him without comment.

“Dude, he is fucking gorgeous. How the fuck did you snag him?” Isobel asked without prompting. Michael looked at her and cocked an eyebrow.

“You sayin’ I’m not pretty enough to be with him?” he asked, a little flatly. He glanced back over to where Alex was standing, drinking from a bottle of water and looking hotter than the sun.

“You’re gorgeous too Michael, but you scream ‘straight dude’, especially at those horrid ass frat parties. I don’t even know how you got on his radar!” She tousled his curls affectionately and he smiled at her. He knew she hadn’t meant any offense, but he had to give her shit. Isobel could speak with too much candor if you let her get away with it too often.

“To be fair, his friend Maria had been chatting me up all night, but by the end of the night I figured I’d get another chance with Maria, but him I might never see again. I thought I was right about that, I haven’t seen him since—“ he interrupted himself before continuing, shooting a longing look towards where Alex was chatting with some of the other students who’d come to ogle him. “Anyway, he said it was a one-time deal which fucking sucks.”

“You’re about to see him three times a week for the next month. I’m pretty sure you can convince him for another go or two, especially with the amount of sexual tension between you two. That first and last pose? I thought one of you was going to erupt in fire and I wasn’t sure if it was meant to be agony or ecstasy,” Isobel commented, fanning herself with her hand. Michael shot her a disbelieving look. “Trust me, I’ve got a good radar for UST and you guys are REEKING with it, which is funny since you’ve actually already had sex.”

“Epic sex. It was fucking epic,” Michael muttered wistfully, eyes watching Alex’s hands as he gestured while talking. He wanted them back on his body yesterday.

“Epic sex then. Why don’t you go ask him out again? Maybe time has softened his resolve?” Isobel gently encouraged. Michael took a fortifying sigh before nodding at Isobel’s suggestion. He didn’t know what it was about this guy, but Michael was hung up on him. He was afraid if he started to pursue him, he might just keep it up for the rest of his life and he didn’t know if he could handle Alex walking away from him forever. But then again, maybe Halloween was a fluke and if he got to know him he’d hate Alex and wish he’d slept with Maria instead. Or maybe Alex would be amazing and let Michael in…

“Alright everyone, if you’re in the room start getting settled back down,” the instructor called out, clapping her hands. Michael watched as she brought the chair that had been previously to the side of the podium up onto it. Alex was watching her, but Michael caught him darting quick looks at him a couple times also, his eyes jerking away guiltily whenever he was caught. Maybe there was hope for Michael after all…

The long pose that Alex chose to do was simple. He sat in the chair offered, one ankle over his knee, with the fingers of one hand kneading into the palm of the other, body hunched over slightly. Michael couldn’t make eye contact with him in that position despite the fact he was directly in front of his seat so it was easier to get lost in the work. They took short breaks, but Michael didn’t try to pursue a conversation with Alex until class had finished. He watched Alex slip the robe back over his shoulders and start towards the supply closet where the models changed in lieu of a dressing room or restroom. Michael cleaned his stuff up quickly and slipped over to the door. He gave the room a sweeping look to see if anyone was watching him. The instructor was walking towards the exit while talking to Isobel who glanced at him quickly and gave him a thumbs up behind her back. There were only three people left in the room besides himself and they were deep in conversation looking over their pads, backs turned towards him. With a deep breath, Michael opened the supply closet door and slipped into the room.

“Someone’s dressing in her-“ Alex called behind him in an annoyed voice before turning and stopping once he caught sight of Michael. He looked Michael up and down consideringly and Michael had never wished more that he’d put on something besides his most comfortable, most ragged jeans and UNM sweatshirt. Alex didn’t seem excited to see him, just resigned. It stung more than Michael had expected. “I was wondering when you’d try to talk to me.”

Michael tried not to flinch at the bored, accusatory tone Alex was using. He was still in the robe, but he’d managed to get his boxer briefs on before Michael had barged in. He looked… so fucking good. Michael wanted to touch him so much now that they were in a semi-private space together. He could see people walking past the building through the grubby windows that leaked weak light into the supply closet, but no one was close. No one would see them as long as they didn’t back up against the glass. Chancing it, Michael took a few steps further into the room, closer to Alex, and waited to see if he’d back away or tell him to leave. When Alex continued to do nothing but watch him, Michael decided it would be safe to speak.

“I do want to talk to you. I honestly haven’t been able to stop thinking about you,” Michael admitted quietly between them. He was staring at the way the satin lapel of the robe barely hid Alex’s nipples and how the bars sneaked past to peek out whenever Alex inhaled. He heard Alex’s derisive scoff and Michael pulled his eyes back up from Alex’s chest. Alex looked like he thought Michael might be full of shit.

“I just bet you haven’t. Don’t get turned down for a date that often, do you?” Alex taunted, turning to pick up his jeans from where they were lying across the back of a step ladder. Michael took another step towards him and with a slight tremble to his hands, reached out and rested it on Alex’s hip over the satin robe. Alex’s movements stilled instantly and the tension in the room ratcheted up a notch. Michael waited a moment to answer, sure Alex was going to turn on him.

“It’s not that. It’s you,” Michael replied, not moving his hand, but letting the warmth of Alex’s body heat seep through the cheap material into his cool fingers. “You can’t tell me when you were on your knees on that stage you didn’t think about that night.”

Alex drew in a shuddering breath and he rested his hand on Michael’s briefly before pushing it away. Alex turned to face Michael, his expression stormy in a way Michael hadn’t expected and then, before he could pick it apart, Alex was kissing him. It was a hard press of his mouth to Michael’s and Michael opened to it immediately, his own hunger roaring to the surface. Blindly, Michael reached out and found Alex’s hips, dragging him flush to Michael’s body as their kisses bit into each other, tongues meeting as quick as rapiers in battle, and Michael found he wanted to die there under Alex’s lips.

“Shit,” was all Alex could say as Michael broke the kiss to drag his lips down Alex’s jaw to his neck. Alex’s hands were buried in Michael’s curls and Michael could feel how turned on he was getting through the layers of material between them. Michael brought up one of his hands to cup Alex’s pec before dragging his thumb roughly over the nipple, catching and dragging at the piercing. The move earned him a whimper and small jolt through Alex’s body. Then Alex was dragging him back to his mouth, kisses growing more and more insistent as Michael continued to play with Alex’s nipple. He could feel how hard Alex was against his hip as they ground their bodies together. Unable to resist, Michael turned Alex so he could back him against the workbench and then broke their kiss so he could slide down onto his knees in front of him.

“Michael, what are you doing?” Alex squeaked, shooting a panicked glance at the door to the supply closet and then towards the windows where students beyond were slowly thinning as the next class period was about to start. 

“If it’s not obvious, I must be doing it wrong,” Michael replied, slipping his fingers into the waistband of Alex’s boxer briefs and pulling them down to pool at his feet. For all Alex’s worried glances, he was hard as a rock and precum was beading at his tip of his cock. Michael gripped him at the base and brought the tip to his mouth, licking off the sticky fluid and swirling his tongue around the crown. The hand Alex still had in his hair tightened and lit Michael up with the pleasant pleasure-pain of it. Michael met Alex’s eyes as he wrapped his lips around his cock head and sucked lightly. Alex’s chest was heaving as he watched Michael’s mouth with lust-blown eyes. Michael started slow, taking more of Alex into his mouth every time he dipped his head until he was kissing the hand that gripped him. He moaned appreciably at the weight of Alex against his tongue, at the stretch of his lips around his shaft and Alex tightened his grip in Michael’s hair in response and stilled him. Michael quirked an eyebrow at him.

“You’ve got to be quiet in case someone comes into the studio,” Alex reminded him almost absently. His hand was cupping Michael’s jaw and Michael felt as he pressed his thumb against his cheek. Alex started moving his hips in small, fluid thrusts, his thumb pushing in against Michael’s skin so he could feel his own length sliding in and out of Michael’s mouth. Michael moved his head forward on the next thrust so he could take Alex deeper and then he heard the smallest, pained whimper from above him. He looked up and saw that Alex was leaning back, staring at the ceiling and he quit thrusting to let Michael begin working him over again. Michael let his hands smooth up Alex’s body, his fingers instantly seeking out the dark pink, erect buds of Alex’s nipples and pinching them harshly. Alex’s body jumped, a small, surprised gasp coming from his mouth, and Michael felt him harden further against his tongue before an unexpected thrust had Alex gagging him. He swallowed and backed off a little, letting his throat relax again before working back up to taking Alex in deep

“Fuck, Michael…” Alex breathed, his body starting to shift impatiently as Michael pulled him closer to cumming. Michael kept up with his hands and mouth, which became easier once Alex reached down to grip himself. The hand which had been in Michael’s hair slipped down to cup Michael’s neck. He felt a dangerous thrill pass through him as he felt Alex’s thumb press against the soft space under his jaw next to his throat. Michael’s lips slid down to meet Alex’s fingers and he saw Alex shudder in arousal when his mouth touched him. Michael brought down one of his hands to move Alex’s off his cock before relaxing his throat and pushing until he could feel the soft tickle of Alex’s body hair under his nose. He swallowed reflexively and Alex’s hand shot out to grip Michael’s shoulder, fingers dipping into the meat of the muscle. A short, sharp series of gasps let Michael know Alex was getting close and Michael wanted to feel Alex shooting down his throat. He pulled back to get a breath and then redoubled his efforts on Alex’s cock and nipples. He was rewarded soon after when he felt Alex tense all over and heard a choked whine above him before he felt spurts of salty, bitter cum coating his tongue and tonsils. He moaned and kept moving his head until Alex was finished, hand pushing at his shoulder weakly to get him to back off, body twitching with sensitivity. Michael sat back and wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand before staring up at Alex who was flushed and panting roughly above him. Alex looked down at him, eyes shining from the exertion and endorphins, and jerked his head in an invitation for Michael to stand.

Michael stood a little wobbly, but managed to balance himself with hands on either side of Alex’s body, gripping the work bench as Alex attacked his mouth, tongue searching for the taste of himself and stealing it back from Michael’s body. Michael’s own cock gave a painful throb where it was trapped in his jeans. Alex’s hand came down and cupped him through the fabric.

“You didn’t take care of yourself too while you were down there?” Alex breathed against Michael’s lips as his hand stroked over the bulging denim. He didn’t sound wholly disappointed that Michael ignored himself while he was bringing Alex off.

“I just wanted to take care of you,” Michael replied, voice hoarse and hips canting into Alex’s touch. He sounded fucked out and he loved it, loved knowing it was because he’d been giving this gorgeous creature in front of him pleasure, could have died happy knowing he’d enjoyed having Alex fill his mouth almost as much as he’d enjoyed having him filling his ass.

“You did take care of me. Now let me take care of you so we’re even.” Alex unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans quickly, pushing his hand past the waistband of his briefs and pulling Michael into the open air. His hand was warm and dry, almost too dry for how sensitive Michael felt, but he didn’t say anything. He was so close to cumming, he hardly thought it would matter. Alex’s fist was firm around him, stroking him with purpose. Michael’s toes curled in his shoes at how good it felt and he pitched forward to capture Alex’s mouth with his. His hands moved restlessly over Alex’s arms, chest, and neck as they kissed, unable to settle while Alex’s fingers bumped over his frenulum and smeared precum onto his palm. Alex’s free hand slipped around his waist and into the back of his underwear, hand splayed across the muscles of his ass, fingers digging in roughly to grip him. Michael imagined them somewhere else where Alex could slip his fingers into him and work him open while he jacked him off in time with the thrusts of his fingers. He knew how well those fingers filled him up, but if they were somewhere else Michael could bend over the work bench, push his jeans down far enough to give Alex access, and he could work that glorious cock into him and fuck him again, make him feel achingly whole like he’d done once before. It was enough then, enough to tip Michael over and he came in a loud gasp. Alex’s kisses gentled while he came between them and he barely had enough coordination to respond as he spilled over Alex’s knuckles. 

Alex’s hand slipped out of his pants and groped for a paper towel behind them off the bench top. He cleaned his hand efficiently and tucked Michael back into his underwear before pulling his own boxer briefs back up his legs. They put themselves together quickly, Michael more quickly than Alex since he’d kept his clothes on. He watched as Alex dressed and tried to enjoy the warmth of a post-orgasmic high.

“That’s the last time we do this, Michael. I can’t lose this job,” Alex commented out of nowhere, after getting his shirt on over his head. He hung the robe over the step ladder and turned to face Michael head on. Michael felt like he’d been punched in the chest and his euphoria disappeared.

“What?” he asked, dumbly.

“I told you, I don’t have time for anything. I should’ve been at the library fifteen minutes ago to start my shift. This was… dumb of me. Don’t follow me in here again. It’s better if we don’t even start anything,” Alex said quickly, grabbing his bag off the floor and pushing past Michael to exit the supply closet. Michael stayed where he was, feeling like he’d just been side-swiped, and turned in time to see the door bang shut behind Alex’s fleeing form. Michael let out a frustrated groan and leaned against the edge of the bench. His phone buzzed in his pocket and his brain told him it’d been happening for a while. He pulled it out and checked the display.

**< Iz>** Where are you?!   
**< Iz> ** You better be getting some. I’m in the caf waiting on you.   
**< Iz> ** Just saw Alex running across campus. He looked a little disheveled. Your doing, I presume?   
**< Iz>** Wherever you are, stop having a crisis there and come have a crisis here. Dude bros are starting to circle and I want to eat my lunch in peace.

Michael quickly typed out a reply that he was on his way and pushed out of the supply closet. The lights were off in the studio, but the sun filtering from the high windows lit the space enough for him to make his way to the door. He glanced back at the innocent looking closet door back in the corner of the room by his easel and thought about how good Alex had looked stretched out above him, needy and at his mercy, and then how quickly he’d fled once they were finished. Maybe it would be best if this were the Last Time, but Michael didn’t think it was likely to be the case. He didn’t know about Alex, but this had just made him more desperate instead of less. He was afraid he wouldn’t be able to simply fuck this guy out of his system.


	2. Interlude (1.5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael takes up residence in the library.

The next few class sessions passed without a word between Michael and Alex. The looks between them, however, had increased exponentially. As soon as Alex entered the classroom from the supply closet he’d surreptitiously glance around the room until he found Michael. Michael always caught the look, expecting it somehow, and would smirk when their eyes finally caught. Alex would give him an unimpressed scowl for his efforts. Michael started concentrating on his favorite parts of Alex's body. He sketched his clavicle and neck, his hands, his feet, and his back and shoulders endlessly refining the lines and shading. He stayed away from Alex’s face, afraid he’d see those dark, piercing eyes looking at him (or worse, through him). At the end of the class periods, Michael would fold up his best sketches of his favorite parts and slip them under the supply closet door before leaving. He had no clue if Alex looked at them or simply walked over them, but it felt like a challenge when he did it and Michael liked challenges.

Michael had also taken to being a library regular, skulking in the shadows of the stacks or one of the private study rooms, hoping to see some sign that Alex was softening towards him. He tried to have a line of sight to the circulation desk so he could watch Alex interacting with people or sorting books. He knew it was creepy, but Alex had caught sight of him several times and never asked him to leave. In fact, he seemed perfectly happy to ignore him, which stung Michael’s pride only a little bit.

He also saw Maria there a lot. She’d hustle in with her bohemian head scarves and bracelets jangling together and plop down something in a hot to-go cup on the days when Alex looked ready to keel over in exhaustion. On his third day of ‘studying’, Alex must’ve said something about him to her because her head turned to look at him so fast it was surprising it didn’t crick. Michael met her eyes miserably and her lips drew together in a thin line. Alex was saying something quietly to her, face worried and lips moving too quickly for Michael to have any hope of reading them. She waved him off after a moment and came to sit at Michael’s table, glancing over his open notebooks and textbooks littering the table's surface area as if verifying that he was, in fact, studying.

“You know you’re being a creeper, right? And not the sexy kind,” she said to him, plopping down in one of the empty seats near his. Michael turned and glared at her before glancing back to the circulation desk to see that Alex had disappeared. He settled his body back into his chair and turned to look at Maria more directly.

“What do you get for him at the coffee cart?” he asked, deciding to ignore her assertion. He knew he was being creepy but he hoped he had at least some plausible deniability since he actually did study while he was there.

“Dark chocolate caramel macchiato or a mint green tea. Don’t change the subject. He's not going to date you. Like he literally doesn’t do that. Or go out. Halloween was a fluke. His dad cut him off completely when he decided to go to college instead of joining the military like everyone else in his family and he is constantly worried about going into eternal debt or going hungry because of it,” Maria explained matter of factly. “So he doesn’t have time for you and your fuck boy ways.”

Michael looked at her and thought about what she’d said. Not the assertion that he was a fuck boy, but about Alex being financially insecure. He could relate to that. Michael worked his back to the breaking point every summer to make enough money to live off of during the school year. His scholarship took care of his books and classes, but it didn’t pay for jeans or nachos. His fraternity had also awarded him a scholarship which translated into paying for his room and board at the house. He’d gotten very lucky with being able to work within the system, but he’d been planning for these eventualities throughout high school. He didn’t know what Alex’s relationship with his family had been prior to his deciding to go to college, but it sounded like Alex had made a gametime decision and hadn’t practically planned for the repercussions. Michael’s brain immediately went to work wondering if he could do anything to make Alex’s situation better. He was a problem solver, that’s why he was going into engineering, but then he glanced back at the desk where Alex was sipping his drink and glaring at their table. Michael looked and didn’t see anything worth glaring about. Maria wasn’t leaning over or flirting with him, but Alex was definitely glaring at Maria over the rim of his cup. She was studiously ignoring him, but Michael caught her giving him a brief middle finger when she scratched her hairline. Alex caught Michael’s eye briefly before jerking his head away guiltily. Now what was  _ that _ about?

“Does he mind my being here?” Michael asked quietly, turning his attention back to Maria. She huffed a laugh of amusement before rolling her eyes and grinning conspiratorially. Now she did lean over, elbows resting on her knees as she bent close to him, smile turning gleeful and malicious.

“He says he does, but I know him pretty well. I think he’s just a little overwhelmed that you’ve hooked up twice and haven’t gotten tired of him. He’s under the impression that you’re a playboy with a one track mind and is kind of baffled as to why you’re fixated on him,” she replied easily before fixing him with a serious look over her still grinning mouth. “He's not just some conquest you’ll dump once he gives in to you, is he?”

“I think he might be my soul mate,” Michael admitted much to his astonishment. He hadn’t been aware he thought that until he said it out loud, but now that he’d said it he knew it was true for him. This wasn’t just an obsessive crush for him or his ADHD hyper-fixating; it felt like his very core was being drawn to Alex’s. He looked over at Alex who’d turned his back to them and felt his gut tighten. 

“Oh honey,” Maria said in a voice of deepest sympathy as she followed his eyes. Michael looked back at her and smiled weakly, giving her a brief shrug as if to say ‘it’s alright.’ He wasn’t sure it was, but he’d be willing to work with that assumption until he bled out if necessary.

She stood up and patted Michael’s arm comfortingly before sauntering away back towards the desk. She waved to Alex as she passed without speaking and then continued out of the library. Michael saw Alex shoot him a nervous, confused look over his shoulder before he artfully arranged his face into a blank expression and went back to work. Michael gathered his books and notebooks, stuffing them in his bag with a little less care than usual before practically fleeing out of the library towards his truck. He needed to think about some things without staring at the object of those thoughts.


	3. Keep Them Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fire alarm interrupts class and Michael helps keep Alex warm.

Michael sat down miserably in his chair in the art studio. The wind outside had turned blisteringly cold and the iron grey clouds looked ominous. The weather app on his phone had said it would reach freezing temperatures later in the day and he wasn’t looking forward to feeling them a bit. Everyone else in the class seemed to share his mindset as no one seemed happy to be in class that day, everyone in triple layers to stave off any errant breeze that might make it past their sleeve cuffs or collars onto their skin. It was the first real cold front for the fall and Michael did not feel emotionally prepared for it. He would be spending as much time indoors as possible until the cold front passed through. 

The class was halfway through their long pose when sirens started to go off in the building and everyone realized it was a fire alarm. All the students started to grab their coats and shuffle towards the doors when Michael saw Alex shrugging on his robe, head turning to look between the exit and the supply closet. It took a second, but it finally hit Michael that it was frigid outside and Alex would be going out there in just a flimsy robe. Quickly, Michael moved over to where Alex was and started to strip off his sweatpants.

“What are you doing?!” Alex hissed as Michael shoved the thick black sweats at him. They were emblazoned with his fraternity letters along the side in bright gold and Alex was staring at them as if they were poisonous.

“It’s too cold for you to go out there in nothing. I’ll be fine, I run hot. AND I’ve got a thick coat, but you’ll freeze if you go out in just the robe,” Michael explained, pulling his long-sleeved maroon shirt over his head and thrusting it towards Alex. Alex looked confused but started to hastily dress in the items as Michael ran back to his seat to get his long puffy coat.

They hustled out into the quad just as snow started to fall from the iron grey clouds above. The air bit into Michael’s exposed legs, but he grit his teeth and leaned into the feeling. They hustled over to their class and Michael left Alex next to Isobel before he darted towards the coffee cart before everyone else realized it was open. Michael saw their confused faces as he darted off, but he didn’t feel like he had time to explain. He was only third in line by the time he got there.

“Small chocolate caramel macchiato, please,” Michael requested, swiping his student badge and putting it on his food account. The barista handed the beverage over in what felt like record time and Michael hurried back to where he’d left Alex and his art group. Alex was standing next to Isobel and some others with his arms wrapped around his torso and standing on one foot. That’s when it hit Michael that he’d forgotten to make sure Alex had shoes on. Those long, elegant feet that Michael had been sketching for the last two weeks looked out of place amongst the Uggs and rain boots. Michael’s own legs were covered in goosebumps from the cold, but at least he had his fuzzy lined slip-ons. The ground was starting to look wetter as he got closer to the group and he couldn’t imagine how cold Alex’s feet must feel.

“Hey, where’d you run off to?” Isobel asked when he’d appeared between her and Alex. He raised the coffee cup to show her and she made a yelp of outrage. “You went to get coffee and you didn’t ask anyone else if they wanted any?”

Alex had turned at her yelp and despite Michael’s clothing looked miserably cold. Michael handed him the coffee, earning him a confused look from Alex and a suspicious look from Isobel.

“I got  _ Alex _ some coffee because he’s only wearing one layer of clothing out here and I didn’t ask you if you wanted any cause I had to beat the line to the coffee cart,” Michael explained pointedly. He watched Alex take a small sip of the drink and try to hide a smile behind the rim of the cup. Michael kept talking to Iz, but savored watching Alex curl around the warm beverage, eyes closed in apparent euphoria. “Next time there’s a fire drill in the middle of November when it’s snowing, I’ll make sure to get your order too.”

“You better,” she grumped, giving Michael an affectionate mock-glare before bringing her hands up to start blowing into them to keep them warm. Alex was still shifting from one foot to the other on the cold, wet paved walkway.

“Come here, stand on my feet,” Michael offered, beckoning Alex towards him. Alex looked at him as if he were mad.

“Stand on your feet?”

“Yeah, you don’t have any shoes on. Come on, I’ll wrap my coat around you. It’s stupid big. I got it from a Goodwill a couple years ago when I spent the winter sleeping in my truck. It’s super warm,” Michael assured him, opening the coat wide. The cold air whipped into the interior of the coat making Michael grit his teeth for a moment. He was only in a t-shirt and his boxer briefs under the coat which hung almost to mid-thigh on him. Alex looked tempted but then looked down at his coffee in consternation.

“It doesn’t mean anything, jeez. Are you so scared of liking me that you can’t take some charity to save your feet?” Michael asked, hating that he sounded a little impatient but he was still holding the coat open and the wind seemed to bite through his meager clothing effortlessly. Alex’s eyes flashed at the challenge in Michael’s tone.

“Isobel, will you hold my drink?” Alex asked primly, handing his coffee unceremoniously over to Isobel who looked highly amused by the whole interaction. Carefully, Alex stepped onto the top of Michael’s soft, sheep-skin slippers and wrapped his arms around Michael’s middle to keep himself steady. Michael wrapped the sides of the coat around Alex’s torso and felt him practically melt against his body a moment later when the interior started to heat up again. Michael let out an undignified squawk when Alex pushed his frozen fingers under the back of Michael’s shirt and pressed them into the skin of his lower back.

“Play nice, boys,” Isobel commented, raising an eyebrow at Alex’s wicked smile and Michael’s pained expression before stealing a sip of Alex’s forgotten coffee.

“That’s what you get for being nice, Michael,” Alex goaded, though his tone was losing its edge as he pressed himself as close as possible against Michael’s body. He could feel the way Alex had started to shiver against him now that he was wrapped up in Michael’s coat. Alex pressed his cold nose against his collar and instead of yelping this time, Michael just tightened his arms around him to keep him tight against him. Michael noted that he could smell their combined scent wafting up through the scant space between them and he lowered his head to Alex’s shoulder and breathed deeply.

“This is so disgustingly adorable right now. I’m seriously vomiting in my mouth around my coos of awe,” Isobel commented. “I hope there’s inappropriate touching going on inside that coat or I’m truly going to lose my lunch.”

Michael glared at her but felt Alex’s chest vibrate with silent laughter and his now warm hands smoothed down the muscles of Michael’s back to give his ass a playful squeeze before moving back up.

“I gave him a little butt squeeze. Is that inappropriate enough for the middle of the day in a public space?” Alex asked, turning his head so he could face Isobel and see her reaction. She grinned at him and then turned to Michael.

“It’ll do. I understand you two are working through some things right now. Next time I expect full on groping or I’m calling Hallmark to sell the rights to your story,” she quipped.

“Ugh, but they’d totally het this up. I’d almost rather you call PornHub. At least then my character would still get to be a boy,” Alex griped. Isobel snorted indefinitely and Alex shared a small grin with Michael before starting in on the evils of Hallmark. Michael let them argue about the vices and virtues of each platform while he listened quietly. He was feeling dangerously charmed by their good-natured teasing.

They waited for the instructors to finish their roll calls and for the buildings to be swept for ‘danger’. It was killing Michael to know Alex was pressed against him through necessity more than desire. He even found the weight of Alex crushing his feet charming as they stood wrapped up in each other. Michael wanted to feel free to kiss him or pull him behind a bush somewhere and ravish him, wanted Alex to want him to do those things. When Isobel finished Alex’s coffee and went to discard the cup, Alex turned his face back to rest against the side of Michael’s neck. His short bout of conversation with Isobel had turned the tip of his nose back into ice and Michael shivered when it touched him.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Alex asked without drawing away from Michael in the slightest. His voice was soft and Michael glanced at Iz, but she had stopped to chat with one of the other students from the class, leaving them alone in their own bubble on the outskirts of the group.

“Gee, I wonder… Maybe I like you and I want you to like me back,” Michael snarked, wishing his arms were inside the coat so he could feel Alex’s skin under his hands while they spoke. The cocoon of the coat felt intimate and sacred, almost like they were somewhere else, burrowed into blankets where no one could see or hear them.

“I  _ do _ like you, Michael. I wouldn’t have had sex with you twice if I didn’t like you. I just don’t have the time for a boyfriend. I don’t think you’re listening to me when I say that,” Alex complained, sounding like he wanted to walk away from the conversation. His hands tightened against Michael’s skin and he pressed harder against him in complete opposition with his words. Michael felt maybe that in itself was a small victory.

“I’ve seen how much you work, I’m there, remember? And Maria told me about your dad cutting you off, but you gotta balance work and play or you’re going to burn out,” Michael said before pressing a kiss to Alex’s temple on impulse. “I’m worth the risk you’re afraid to take.”

“I’m not afraid of anything and you’re way too sure of yourself,” Alex replied, sounding petulant. Michael felt Alex’s hands drop off his body and knew he’d misstepped once again in the minefield of Alex Manes.

A harsh crackling came over the campus PA that announced the buildings had been cleared and everyone could go back inside. It was followed quickly by the end-of-class bell and the instructors started herding everyone back to classrooms to get their things. They’d have to hustle to put up their things and get to their next classes if they had one. Alex stepped back out of Michael’s coat and hurried to the art studio ahead of Michael and Isobel. Michael watched him go and wondered what Alex had been hoping to hear when he asked him his why.

Determined to have it out one way or the other, Michael pushed into the studio around the other students who were already leaving and immediately went to the supply closet, flipping the lock behind him with his TK in a fit of pique. Alex was turned away from him and silently Michael thanked the stars. He’d lost control of himself for a moment and he knew that was the biggest danger with the enormity of his feelings. He pushed aside the voice of warning in his head that sounded startlingly similar to Isobel’s and knocked his fist against the workbench’s counter. Alex was halfway into his own clothes, black jeans on but still unbuttoned, black shirt in his hands. He jumped and turned at the loud noise.

“Jesus,” he said as he let out a relieved sigh. The relief was immediately followed by suspicion as he eyed Michael's stalwart expression. “What do you want?”

“My clothes?” Michael commented like it should’ve been obvious. He shrugged off the coat and looked around for his sweatpants. Alex picked them up off the step ladder where he’d lain them and handed them over gingerly. Michael grabbed them from him, perhaps a little too harshly, and toed off his shoes so he could stuff his legs back into their warmth. Irrationally, it perturbed him that he could already smell their combined scents as he pulled them quickly onto his body. Alex watched him and Michael could see him hovering with a look of indecision on his face. Michael was starting to feel annoyed over Alex’s attitude towards him.

“What?” he snapped, pulling his undershirt out from under the waistband of his sweats.

“Thank you for the coffee… and for the clothes… and for letting me stand on your feet,” Alex said grudgingly. It was like each nice thing was another nail in Michael’s coffin to him. “But you should probably stop being so nice to me. It’s not going to get you anywhere.”

“Is it really that bad? That I’m nice to you?” Michael asked, loud and exasperated. He did not understand why it was such a big deal, why Alex was making this so hard on them both.

“I just don’t want you to expect anything to come from it and I think you do,” Alex retorted. Michael sighed heavily through his nose. Even in his anger, he could see Alex’s point. He did want something from it. He wanted Alex to trust him enough to date him and fall in love with him and continue having life-altering, mind-blowing sex with him. He wanted-- Michael stopped his brain from taking it any further, not willing to fall down that particular rabbit hole until Alex actually seemed willing to entertain the idea of at least dating him.

“This is what the old poets would call wooing, Alex. I’m trying to court you or some shit. If I just wanted to get laid, I’d get laid. As you said, it’s not like that would be terribly difficult for me,” Michael threw the last part back as a barb. It was petty, but he remembered all too well Alex’s previous assertions that Michael was obviously something of a slut since he was good in bed. It had landed because Alex hadn’t been wrong when he’d said it, but Michael didn’t feel like he had to apologize for liking sex or engaging in it with other consenting adults.

“This is ridiculous. Just give up on me! I promise, I’m not worth the effort you’re putting into this,” Alex replied, voice quietly ardent. They stood there in silence for a moment before Alex threw his shirt on over his head and finished doing up his jeans. Finally, Alex broke their silence in a huff as he grabbed his bag off the floor. “I’m late for work.”

Michael let him brush past him feeling too many things that he couldn’t give voice to. He listened as Alex flipped the lock and stalked out of the supply closet. Michael stood there just breathing, letting his heart calm down, before he started to look around for his shirt. When Michael couldn’t find it, he growled in annoyance to himself.

“Well, that’s one more thing of mine you can have, I guess,” he grumbled as he slipped his shoes and coat back on and left the closet to get to the cafeteria to meet up with Isobel.


	4. Interlude (2.5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael tries to drown his sorrows, but ends up outside the library pining.

Michael sipped his whiskey in the corner of the sorority house’s kitchen glumly. Isobel was flirting with some pre-med by the keg and he’d seen a handful of people he’d normally have talked to, but he just wasn’t in the mood for it that night. He was there for appearances more than because he wanted to be. The whiskey was helping to take the edge off his bad mood, but not by much. Really it was making him want to read shitty, overly emotive poetry and brood all evening by a dying fire, but that wouldn’t make him feel any better than getting drunk would, so he chose getting drunk. Plus the only fireplace he had access to was in the frat common area and there would be too many of his frat brothers around to make it an effective brooding session.

A familiar head of dark brown curls appeared in front of him suddenly and he jerked in surprise.

“Maria,” he said in a flat tone. It wasn’t much of a greeting, he knew, and she didn’t deserve his attitude, but it was one of those nights. He sipped his drink as she studied him with a critical eye.

“Michael, you look like you’re having a good time tonight,” she intoned sarcastically, arms crossing over her chest as she waited for his response. He raised his solo cup in mock salute, giving her a self-deprecating smile before taking a healthy gulp of what was quickly tasting like whiskey-flavored ice water.

“You know me. Party king,” he commented. He wondered if her being here meant that Alex was here, but he knew that wasn’t true. Alex would be at the library working tonight until eleven. He’d purposely come to the party to try and give Alex some room after their disastrous conversation in the supply closet. 

“Right,” she said a little wearily. She stared at him and seemed to make a decision about something because she sidled onto the counter next to him before continuing. “So, Alex told me about your fight.”

“Oh, did he? It wasn’t much of a fight to speak of,” Michael remarked bitterly. He reached over and grabbed the fifth of Jack off the counter and sloshed more in his cup while Maria watched, her face carefully blank. “It was more like a series rerun of the same conversation we’ve been having for weeks.”

“You should’ve picked me, Michael,” she commented sadly as she watched him gulp down his drink. Michael turned and looked at her for a moment, eyes a little bleary, before he stood up and smashed his mouth against hers. The kiss wasn’t passionate in the way it would’ve been with Alex. Michael did it more out of self-hate than because he wanted to fuck Maria. He poured his self-loathing and despair into the kiss, knowing it wasn’t a good kiss for either of them. Even drunk he could feel the painful press of his teeth against the inside of his lips. He pulled back and stared at her for a moment, noting her angry, baffled expression as she stared back.

“Maybe I should’ve, but I didn’t. I picked him and I’m still doing it despite everyone’s best efforts to convince me otherwise,” Michael stated. He turned and set his cup down on the counter. He backed away towards the exit, stopping to tip his invisible cowboy hat at her. “Have a nice night, Maria.”

He pushed past the group of sorority girls hanging back near the kitchen entrance and past all the other drunken students milling around the house. It wasn’t a rager of a party so he made his way out of the house easily. When he hit the sidewalk outside he noted that he’d forgotten his jacket in Isobel’s room and that the temperature had once again dropped outside. There was no way he was turning around and going back into the house tonight. Shoving his hands as deep into his pockets as he could, Michael walked quickly back towards the frat, low-key angry at how the week had turned out.

It had been a few class periods since the fire drill incident and Alex had steadfastly ignored him during class. Michael had heard the lock of the supply door click loudly when Alex had gone to dress afterwards, but Michael hadn’t felt like following him. His pride was a little wounded and he didn’t know how to make the situation better. He’d still been spending an inordinate amount of time at the library, but finals were coming up and he needed the study time so it wasn’t totally about seeing Alex. He didn’t stare longingly at Alex at the circulation desk, he didn’t bring him coffee or tea, and he didn’t hope against hope that Alex would come over and talk to him. Except that he had done all of those despite his best efforts. Small peace offerings left at the desk before Michael started his vigil of sneaked glances over the top of engineering textbooks. It hadn’t even earned him a thank you. The cups had gone cold on the counter and presumably been dumped as soon as Michael had left for the evening. It was a hard pill to swallow.

Before he knew where he’d been subconsciously walking, Michael found himself standing in front of the library. It was almost midnight so he knew Alex had already gotten off work and was presumably warm in his dorm room by then. Michael stared blearily up at the building, that last slosh of whiskey in his cup starting to hit him as he stood in the bracing cold of November. The darkened windows made him feel unspeakably sad for some reason.

“Michael?” a familiar voice called from the side of the building. Michael jerked around a little unsteadily and searched for the owner. Alex stepped out of the shadows by the side of the building, head covered with a black knit cap, black jacket and fingerless knitted gloves on, holding a steaming cup of something from the coffee cart. Michael frowned at the cup, offended at its presence.

“So you haven’t given up hot beverages? I thought you might have,” Michael commented, still staring daggers at the cup. Alex huffed a little impatiently at his needling.

“What are you doing out here? Where’s your coat? You look half frozen,” Alex asked, deciding not to respond to Michael’s beverage comment and possibly save them both the angst.

“I don’t know. I was at a Kappa Delta party and I left and my feet brought me here. I meant to go home,” Michael mumbled, words slurring together as he explained. Alex looked at him in concern, probably noting that he was starting to sway a little. Michael had a tendency to do that when he was drunk. On a brighter note, he was starting to be able to ignore how cold it was.

“Want me to walk you back to the frat house?” Alex asked, breath fogging in front of his face attractively. How was every damned mundane activity so attractive when Alex did it, Michael wondered. No one else could make simply breathing in the cold a test of Michael’s willpower.

“No. I can get there. I was just thinking more than walking,” Michael said finally, turning away and starting in the direction of his frat. There was a pause and then he heard hurried, heavy footsteps behind him. Alex pulled up step next to him, backpack looking huge and heavy on his back, his face carefully arranged to pleasant blankness.

“It’s fine. Here, at least put on my extra gloves while we walk. Whatever you were drinking won’t help your extremities not freeze off.” Alex shoved his warm drink into Michael’s hand as he swung his backpack off one shoulder to fumble in one of the many pockets. Without thinking Michael took a sip of the hot beverage and tasted honey, lemon, and ginger tea. He hummed appreciatively. Alex glanced up at him and huffed a sound of amusement through his nose before shaking his head and going back to the pocket he was pawing through. He came up with two gloves and an extra cap. He shoved the knitted beanie down on Michael’s head, smoothing it over his curls as best as he could, a fond, amused expression on his face that Michael didn’t think was fair of him to be sporting while Michael was pining. Michael took another sip of Alex’s tea to cover up his confusion about Alex’s behavior before he felt the beverage lifted from his grip and replaced with two knitted mittens. The mittens had panda faces sewn onto them and Michael laughed despite himself as he shoved them onto his hands.

“Come on, let’s get you back to the frat before you freeze to death,” Alex commented, righting his backpack and waiting on Michael to start walking. They trudged along in silence for a while, the fragile bubble of truce between them remaining intact despite the tension that simmered under the surface.

“Is your dorm this way? Do you want to drop off your backpack? It looks heavy,” Michael commented as they kept going. The campus was quiet, the cold driving most of the students indoors unless they absolutely couldn’t avoid it, like Alex. Alex grimaced as he shifted the weight across his back for the third time in ten minutes.

“Yeah it’s… yeah. It would add like ten minutes onto our walk though?” Alex said, looking uncomfortable as he said it. Michael didn’t know if that was because he didn’t want Michael to know where he was staying or because he didn’t want to inconvenience Michael the extra ten minutes. Michael waved his mitted hand dismissively.

“I can’t feel much right now anyway. Ten minutes won’t matter and it’s definitely a long walk with that monster on your back. Let’s take the detour so you can drop it off.” Michael was still waving his hand as if to dismiss the idea that he minded the extra time and it overbalanced him slightly. He started to stumble to the side until he felt Alex’s arms catch his, pulling him back up straight.

“Thanks,” Michael mumbled, embarrassed. Alex didn’t comment, but Michael felt him loop his arm around his and hook them together at the elbow. Michael looked at their linked arms and smiled softly, trying not to make a fuss over the gesture. He leaned into Alex a little, letting their shoulders press together as they fell into step.

“If you mention this, I’ll just let you fall next time,” Alex said without looking at him. Michael looked at him and could see the faintest tinge of pink on his cheeks. He wasn’t sure if it was the cold or a blush, but Michael smiled a little wider and held on a little tighter as they kept walking. Without saying a word, Michael’s hand found Alex’s and held it as they pushed on towards the dorms.


	5. Be There

“Look Iz, I know this is probably falling on deaf ears, but I’m pretty sure we’re at least friends by now,” Michael explained as he hefted the space heater that he was carrying across campus. When he’d shown up in their usual meeting place by the student union carrying it, she’d looked at him like he was mad. When he explained it was for Alex because the studio was getting noticeably colder the further into fall they got, she’d asked if he was really so desperate he had to keep chasing that boy when he obviously wasn’t going to budge.

“I just think you’re putting in a lot of work for something that’s given you minimal returns,” she commented acidly as they trekked towards the art building. Michael sighed and adjusted his grip on the heater again. It wasn’t heavy, but it was bulky and his gloved hands kept slipping.

“You don’t know what I’m getting from this. Just drop it, okay? Even if I get nothing but his friendship, I’m fine with it,” Michael lied. He wouldn’t be fine with just friendship, but he had a long game in mind. He could be patient when needed.

“Okay, you know what? It’s your time that’s being wasted, not mine. You do you,” Iz said a little hotly after leveling him with an impatient glare. She made a motion of washing her hands to say she was letting go of the situation and Michael sighed dramatically. She hadn’t seen them the night of the sorority party. Alex had let Michael follow him into his shared suite and let him play his guitar while he unloaded his backpack. Then he’d agreed to play for Michael while Michael warmed up, curled on the floor by his bed, whiskey and warmth making him loose-limbed and sleepy. He’d woken up the next morning with a blanket and pillow and Alex dead to the world in the bed above him. It had been beyond sweet and Michael felt it was a step in the right direction.

When they arrived for class, students were milling around by their workstations. Michael walked up to the stage and started to set up the heater.

“What are you doing?” Alex’s voice came from behind him. Michael turned and saw him standing with his arms crossed, already wearing the thin satin robe. Michael stood and waved towards the space heater.

“I thought you might appreciate some warmth while you’re up there,” Michael said simply. Alex looked between him and the heater, a complicated expression passing over his face. They hadn’t talked the morning Michael had woken up on his floor. Michael had quietly crept out of the dorm room and shuffled to the frat house in the early pre-dawn hours. He didn’t want Alex to feel awkward when he woke up to Michael hanging out in his room. Looking at the complicated expression Alex was making, Michael wondered if he’d made the right call. Finally, Alex’s face settled on amused.

“Thanks. I guess by now everyone has seen every part of me they possibly could so they should realize it’s just shrinkage, but my ego thanks you for helping that not become immortalized in art.” Michael barked out a surprised laugh at his candor.

“I don’t think even with shrinkage you have anything to worry about,” Michael replied with a wink. Alex smirked, but Michael could see the faint blush on his cheeks.

“Yeah, well, thanks all the same.” They stood in awkward silence for a moment, both unsure what to say, when the instructor saved them by clapping her hands and bringing the class to attention. Michael quickly turned on the heater and then scurried to his seat. They started their action poses and he was happy to see that Alex didn’t seem to have as many goosebumps as he normally did.

“You look like a lovesick puppy,” Isobel commented through the side of her mouth as they sketched out the quick poses.

“Is that a bad thing?” Michael asked, voice low to keep their conversation somewhat private.

“Just don’t get yourself hurt,” she said crisply. “And don’t get stupid.”

“Stupid?” he asked, dreading where the conversation was headed. She turned and gave him a significant look.

“Yeah, Michael, stupid. Don’t go spilling secrets just to keep him close,” she responded. Michael felt like he’d been slapped. When had he ever been the one to compromise their safety?

“Excuse me?” he asked, voice controlled but anger evident. He clenched his charcoal so hard it shattered in his hand and he had to pick out a new piece.

“I’m not saying you would, but… you’re just very emotional sometimes. It’s a good thing!” She held up her hands to forestall Michael’s angry retort. “But, emotions can tell you to do one thing and logic something else. Just remember, cold reason is our best ally, okay?”

“Okay, Iz. No worries, I won’t let my emotions get the best of me and jeopardize you, me and Max to my college crush. Jesus…” he replied acidly, turning and shooting her a disgusted look. When he turned back to his drawing he realized Alex had changed poses while he and Isobel were arguing. He was facing them and looking concerned, though Michael knew he wouldn’t have been able to hear them. Michael gave him a quick smile and quickly started sketching out the pose before he had to change it again.

Isobel didn’t speak to him again during the class, but he caught her concerned looks from the corner of his eye. He didn’t try to speak with her either, thinking it was her turn to apologize for once. When the bell rang, she dashed out of the room as quickly as possible. Alex came over with a worried look on his face.

“Everything alright with you and Isobel?” he asked, folding his arms around himself as soon as he stepped out of the warmth from the heater. Michael smiled up at him reassuringly.

“Yeah, we’re fine, she’s just… being protective. That’s what sisters are for, right?” Michael said, smiling. Alex looked dumbfounded for a second before speaking. Michael furrowed his brow at his reaction, unsure what had thrown him.

“She’s your sister?!”

“Well, not biologically. We were both found together with another boy on the side of the road when we were really young. It kind of bonded us, so I think of her as my sister. And lord knows she’s annoying enough most of the time to be a real sister so… yeah. Anyway, did the heater help?” Michael asked, wanting to change the subject before Alex could ask more about his and Isobel’s history. After their conversation about spilling secrets, he felt a secret shame over sharing anything about how their life on Earth had started.

“Yeah, it was great. Thank you,” Alex replied, subdued.He was giving Michael another considering look, as if he were trying to figure out his angle. Michael was about to say something when Alex spoke before him. “Guess I better get dressed…”

“Yeah, guess so. You’ve got a shift at the library today?” Michael asked, standing up and grabbing his drawing pad to put away. Alex nodded and followed him, watching him tuck the pad in his cubby. Michael wasn’t sure what was going on with him. He’d normally be in the closet changing by now, not hanging out with Michael as he packed up. He was acting like he had something on his mind, though, so Michael tried to wait him out to see if he’d share his thoughts.

“Are you coming by later?” Alex asked a little nervously. Michael gave him a curious look, but nodded without speaking further.

“Okay, I guess I’ll see you then,” Alex replied, turning and all but fled into the supply closet to change. Michael looked at the shut door for a second before deciding to follow. Alex was back at the step ladder where he hung his clothes, robe halfway down his arms when Michael walked in. Once again Michael was struck by how insanely beautiful he was. Alex looked over his shoulder at him and tugged the robe back in place before turning.

“Did you need something?” he asked a little nervously, arms folding over his chest as he stepped towards where Michael had stopped midway into the room. Michael felt his heart starting to thunder in his ears as he closed the space between them. Alex was looking at him with a slightly dazed and surprised look on his face that made Michael feel off-balance. He reached out and gently placed a hand on the side of Alex’s neck, thumb rubbing over his cheek lightly. Slowly, to give Alex plenty of time to realize what he was doing and back away if needed, Michael leaned into the space between them, stopping just shy of Alex’s mouth. He waited, wanting Alex to be the one to decide to close the space between them. Their breath mingled and Michael felt sure he was being rejected and that he needed to let go and leave, maybe skip the library, drop out of college, and live as a mechanic in a desert junkyard for the rest of his existence, when Alex finally leaned forward and closed the space between them.

His lips were soft, hesitant as they clung onto Michael’s. Neither of them moved at first, suspended in a moment, and then as if the next inhale had the force of a wave, they crashed and tumbled against each other. Michael felt like his heart would explode out of his chest with how good Alex’s tongue felt slipping along his. It teased him, drawing him out, taking sips and retreating, making Michael chase it with his own. Their kisses held an edge of bite, teeth scraping against lips, capturing them and letting them slip through, making stinging accents with the way they kept coming at each other. Michael didn’t dare break the kissing, even to breathe, afraid Alex would start another fight and run away from it. He wanted this so bad, his entire body ached at how good it felt just to have Alex’s mouth moving with his and Alex’s hands combing through his hair, scratching his scalp with his blunt nails, pulling and tugging Michael’s head to where Alex wanted it next. When he finally couldn’t stand it, his body screaming for oxygen louder than it was to keep kissing, Michael pulled back slowly. He formed a strategic retreat, slowing down their kisses first, then softening them, letting his lips capture only one of Alex’s at a time, and then finally a short, soft peck before he pressed their foreheads together and breathed deeply for the first time in what felt like a blissfully spent eternity. He could hear Alex echoing his ragged breathing and it made Michael feel good to know Alex had been just as into it as him. He pressed forward, unable to resist one final kiss, before pulling back completely.

Alex opened his eyes slowly and stared into Michael’s, tongue sneaking out to smooth over his swollen lips, and it took every ounce of Michael’s self-control not to back him up against the step ladder and convince him to skip work… but he wouldn’t do that. He knew Alex’s job was important to him and this was probably going to cost him if Alex’s reactions to their intense chemistry so far was any indication. Michael dropped his hand from Alex’s neck and backed up.

“Sorry, I’ll let you get dressed for work,” Michael said, backing towards the door. Alex watched him silently and Michael thought about how he’d give anything to know what Alex was thinking right then. Finally, he had to turn to push open the door and exit. Before he got all the way through, he heard Alex call his name. He turned and looked at him, eyebrows raised in silent inquiry.

“Bring me some tea tonight?” Alex asked, a little shyly. Michael gave him a half grin and a salute before leaving the room. Maybe there was hope after all.


	6. Interlude (3.5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Making out at the library and a date at Waffle House.

“Michael, I have to work!” Alex said in breathless irritation as he shoved Michael back against one of the bookcases deep in the rarely used reference section of the library right before he pressed his body along the length of Michael’s and gave him yet another one of his devastating kisses. This wasn’t the first time Michael had found himself being mauled where there was a convenient blind spot in the security cameras. It was just kissing. Just mouths mashed together in passion, tongues mapping every inch of new territory discovered, hands clutching over clothes, tugging and moving, bodies pressed as closely as magnets. It was intoxicating, but it was just kissing. Alex made it very clear he wasn’t going home with Michael to the frat house or bringing him back to his dorm when he got off work. It was just something to pass the slow hours between nine and ten when Alex was re-shelving the books. Michael felt like a starving man being fed half-rations, but it was better than just starving.

“Then work, quit kissing me,” Michael retorted, though he didn’t mean it. His own hands were buried deep in the back pockets of Alex’s pants, pulling him forward as his mouth nipped a trail from Alex’s ear to the collar of his shirt. He could feel how much it was working for Alex and couldn’t stop himself from bringing his head back up to Alex’s ear where he gently scraped his teeth over the lobe before whispering, “Or you can take me into one of these unisex bathrooms and have your way with me.”

Michael was rewarded with the feeling of Alex’s grip in his shirt tightening, his body leaning more heavily against Michael’s, and his forehead dipping to rest on Michael’s shoulder. It was usually the signal that Alex was about to remind himself that he was at work and that this was grossly inappropriate and if anyone saw and reported them, he’d be looking for a job. They’d been doing this all week and already Michael could tell when Alex was starting to let his mind get the better of him. Usually it was Michael’s sole mission to shut Alex’s brain out into the cold while he kept his body warm.

“We can’t,” Alex sighed, voice low and measured, trying to hide the edge of desperation that still colored his actions. He looked back up at Michael and Michael was pleased to at least see that he looked like he regretted that he had to stop them. Michael leaned in and kissed him sweetly on the corner of his mouth.

“Okay,” he said simply. He hadn’t let go of Alex though and Alex wasn’t pulling away. They let their bodies stay pressed tight against one another’s, faces close and tension building back up between them.

“Okay,” Alex repeated, biting his lip and looking between Michael’s lips and his eyes. Michael leaned in again and gave him another soft kiss on the opposite corner of his mouth. He continued kissing him, delivering small, gentle pecks over Alex’s cheek and jaw.

“You have to get back to work,” Michael reminded him when he felt Alex’s breath deepen at his actions. His arms flexed around Alex’s body, hands kneading into the muscular flesh of Alex’s backside.

“Yeah,” Alex sighed, though he tilted his head to the side to allow Michael more access to his neck. One of his hands tangled in Michael’s hair as Michael’s mouth kept moving over his skin. They were on the precipice of making a bad decision. Michael knew they were, knew they were flirting with the edge like they were walking a tightrope, but he liked it. He liked this feeling that one of them could push just a little harder and they’d be naked in a public restroom thrusting against each other and chasing ecstasy. He thought that was what Alex liked too, liked the ‘almost too much’ of their situation. It was addicting to test the line. Alex pulled Michael out of his thoughts by his curls, bringing their mouths back together so they could try and devour each other.

Michael’s phone started vibrating in his pocket. Groaning, he withdrew his hand from Alex’s back pocket and reached into his own, drawing out his phone and looking at the screen. Alex had stopped kissing him and looked over at the display on his phone also. It read: ISOBEL.

“Guess you need to take it?” Alex asked, body already starting to withdraw from Michael’s as he said it. Michael sighed loudly through his nose, but nodded. Michael weighed his desire to keep kissing Alex until they started shutting the lights off against his obligations as a brother. He shot Alex an apologetic look as he hit the connect button. It was by force of will only that he let Alex withdraw from his embrace, disheveled, flushed, and turned on as he was.

“Iz?” Michael started. He watched Alex straighten his clothes and start to walk back to his cart. Michael grabbed his hand and pulled him back with a quick tug, giving him a quick peck on his lips before letting him go with a wink and smile. Alex rolled his eyes in mock annoyance, but he was smiling when he wandered down the aisle to get back to work. Michael sighed and tried to tune back into what Isobel was talking about. She’d started the moment he’d said her name and hadn’t slowed to take a breath since. 

“What, Iz? I’m sorry, there was static,” Michael lied, hoping she’d back up for him without further comment. She huffed in annoyance and began again.

“I was saying, this bitch Jennifer from Omega Delta, was saying that I stole her idea for a sorority car wash and like what the fuck, ya know? It’s not like the idea hasn’t been done by—” Michael let her continue to vent about some girl from some other house who wanted to start beef with her. He watched Alex’s retreating form regretfully, but knew it was probably a good thing for his self-preservation that Isobel had called so he made appropriate noises for interest while he calmed his racing heart and got ready to return to his study table. 

After ten minutes of listening to Isobel bitch about the other sorority girl, Michael begged to be let off the phone so he could study. He went back to his study table still strewn with his books and papers. As was becoming his habit, he glanced up at the circulation desk to see Alex talking with who Michael had begun to realize was the night manager. He was smiling and patting Alex’s arm. Michael couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Alex was looking cautious but smiling back at him. Michael waited til the manager walked off and Alex had turned back to the desk before stalking over. 

“Hey,” he greeted, making Alex jump a little. “What was that about?”

Alex glanced behind him in the direction the manager had walked off in and leaned towards Michael conspiratorially. 

“He was asking if I wanted to participate in the inter-departmental orgy later tonight,” Alex stated seriously. Michael scowled at him and he chuckled to himself, sitting back in his chair. “He was just telling me I was doing a really good job and he thought we’d be able to get out of here a little early tonight.”

“A little early, you say?” Michael asked, grinning at Alex slyly. 

“No,” Alex said emphatically before turning to shuffle some papers on the desk. 

“I didn’t even say anything!” Michael exclaimed in mock offense, though he was still smiling widely. 

“You didn’t have to. You were going to suggest we go back to one of our rooms and ‘study’ or some nonsense,” Alex retorted, eyebrows drawn together in a serious expression. 

“I mean, that would be nice too, but I had a different idea,” Michael said, sidestepping back into Alex’s field of view as he scoffed and turned to start filling in some paperwork he had to do every night. 

“What?” Alex asked, looking up at him in exasperation, a hint of annoyance in his voice. 

“Let’s go for a drive. Maybe go split some hash browns at Waffle House. My treat,” Michael offered, knowing he sounded like he was begging. Maybe he was begging. Alex just looked at him, expression blank, and Michael was fairly sure he was about to get shot down. When Alex opened his mouth, he braced himself for the hit. 

“Yeah, okay,” Alex answered. Michael looked at him in shock. Alex looked like he was surprised he’d agreed as well. Michael decided not to give Alex an opportunity to back out. 

“Okay, meet me over by the exit when you’re done for the night. I’ll leave at closing and go grab my truck,” Michael said in a rush. He looked up at the clock and noted that there was about thirty minutes until the library closed. He looked back at Alex who was still looking a little dazed he’d agreed. 

“Just as friends, right?” Alex said quickly, looking warily at Michael. Michael looked at him incredulously. They were literally just making out half an hour ago and he wanted to pretend they were only friends? 

“Sure,  _ friends _ ,” Michael replied sarcastically. Alex looked at him regretfully and shrugged. Michael didn’t know what to do with that, but he didn’t want to lose an opportunity to hang out with Alex either. “Meet me by the south exit, okay?”

“Yeah,” Alex replied meekly. Michael nodded and went back to his table. He tried to study for the thirty minutes before closing, but only managed to look over the same two paragraphs multiple times before giving up. He packed up his books and laptop and walked by the circulation desk on his way out. Alex wasn’t there, already having started on his closing duties, so Michael left a quick note that said he was going to get his truck.

Once he was out in the cold, he walked quickly back to the frat house. He ran upstairs, throwing his book bag on the floor by his bed, before high-tailing back out of the room without a word to anyone. He was a man on a mission. Michael hurried to where he’d parked and got into the old Chevy he’d had since high school. She was beat up and discolored by sun and age, but she’d been his home more seasons than not since he’d bought her and he was proud that she was his. He turned over the engine and listened to it rumble for a moment before pulling out and heading towards the library. He had to take a convoluted route through campus to get to the library from his frat house. Walking had been quicker, but Michael was worried Alex would find a reason to back out if the truck was ready and waiting on him. Michael couldn’t deny he was excited to spend more time with Alex.

Michael parked and let the engine run, enjoying the heat that was starting to fill up the cab as he waited for Alex. Slowly the lights of the library started to turn off, one floor after the other, until the bottom floor turned dark and the whole building looked closed. A couple minutes later, Alex and the few other night workers all trudged out of the front doors huddled in their coats and weighed down by their heavy backpacks. Alex looked around and Michael honked once to get his attention. He focused on the truck, gave a brief nod, and started to head over to where Michael was parked. A moment later he was dumping his backpack into the footwell and hoisting himself up onto the leather bench seat.

“Hey,” Michael greeted, wanting nothing more than to reach over and drag Alex in for a kiss. His cheeks were tinted pink from his brief time in the cold and he smelled like coffee and cold air. Instead he just watched as Alex buckled his seat belt and then started to warm his hands in front of the air vent.

“Is Waffle House still okay?” Michael asked, putting the truck in reverse, and starting to back out of his parking spot.

“Yeah, Waffle House is fine,” Alex replied a little breathlessly.

“Cool,” Michael replied, trying to sound casual and not like he was mentally naming their future adopted dogs. They drove in silence for a few minutes as Michael navigated his way off campus and towards the closest Waffle House. For once he didn’t feel the need to fill the silence between them, he let the radio serenade them with classic rock until they pulled into the Waffle House parking lot. The diner was fairly empty with only a few truckers holding up the counter. They clambered out of the truck and walked swiftly into the warm, yellow interior of the restaurant. Two waitresses and the cook bustled around behind the counter and one of them, a tall brunette woman somewhere near her forties, called out for them to sit wherever and she’d be with them in a minute.

“Booth or counter?” Alex asked, eyeing the truckers warily.

“Booth. You pick the corner,” Michael replied, smiling when Alex flashed him a relieved grin. Alex looked around the interior once more before leading them to the furthest corner away from the counter and other patrons. They sat on opposite sides of the booth and Michael immediately regretted his decision. He wished he were pressed against Alex’s side so he could hold his hand or wrap his arm casually across the back of the booth and make it look like he was stretching. Their knees knocked under the table and Michael immediately used his ankles to trap one of Alex’s legs between his. Alex smirked and raised an eyebrow at him, but left his leg where it was as he picked up one of the laminated menus from the tabletop and began to look it over. Michael hated that it felt like a victory, but savored it nonetheless. He picked up his own menu and casually looked it over. He was a Waffle House Veteran.

The waitress came over to their table, setting out silverware and napkins.

“What would you boys like to drink?” she asked, taking out her ticket pad. “Know what you want to eat?”

“Coffee and water,” Michael answered automatically, before glancing at Alex.

“Just water, thanks,” Alex replied. The waitress wrote down their drink orders.

“Know what you want to eat?” she prompted again before leaving. Michael looked over at Alex who nodded once.

“Yeah, I want a double order of hash browns, covered, topped, and peppered,” Michael requested. She nodded and looked at Alex.

“I’ll have a pecan waffle. Thanks.”

She nodded and bustled back behind the counter and began calling out their order to the cook. After she brought their drinks, Michael busied himself with fixing his coffee.

“So, how are your classes going this semester?” Michael asked, feeling a little lame for asking. He realized that he didn’t really know much about Alex besides what he looked like naked and his coffee cart order.

“Good. What about yours?” Alex asked automatically.

“Oh, uhm, good. They range from mind-numbingly boring to mind-numbingly difficult,” Michael joked.

“I think I’ve heard Pam comment that you’re an engineering major?” Alex asked, around a sip of water.

“ _ Pam?” _ Michael asked, looking at him in amusement.

“Yes, Pam. Your art instructor,” Alex replied waspishly, sitting back in his seat.

“I didn’t know you two were on a first name basis is all,” Michael commented, squeezing his legs around Alex’s in apology.

“Well, I do work for her so we’re on relatively good terms,” Alex replied, using his legs to squeeze Michael’s back in acceptance of his remorse.

“Have you taken any of her classes?” Michael asked, fiddling with the paper napkin under his utensils.

“Nah. I’m more into music,” Alex replied, smiling inwardly. Michael watched him and thought he’d love to know what that smile was about.

“So are you majoring in music?” Michael asked, leaning forward onto his elbows on the table top and sipping his coffee.

“Maybe? It’s what I came to do, but I’m kind of worried about its viability in the job market after college. I don’t want a Bachelor’s just to end up working at Starbucks and starving,” Alex replied, body mirroring Michael’s as they talked.

“That  _ would _ suck. Definitely not the outcome you want after spending all this time and money here. What about teaching?” Michael asked and then immediately laughed at the disgusted face Alex made at the notion. “Or maybe not.”

“I just… I’d rather not have to go that route, but I’m not sure I’m good enough to go a different route,” Alex said with a shrug.

“Well, is there anything else you’re interested in doing?” Their food arrived as Alex was opening his mouth to answer so they busied themselves pouring syrup and adding mustard and generally adjusting their entrees to be eaten. When they’d gotten a few bites in, Alex spoke up.

“I’m kind of interested in computer stuff. Like coding or something. I’ve thought about taking a couple of those courses and maybe just leaving music as my minor,” he said, a syrup drenched piece of waffle hovering on his fork in front of his mouth. Michael swallowed his bite of hash browns before answering.

“Maybe that could translate into a career working for a studio or something?” he suggested, trying not to imagine licking off the drop of syrup that had fallen onto Alex’s chin. Instead he just cleared his throat and indicated to Alex that he had something on his face. Alex looked at him blankly for a moment before realizing what he was doing and then rushing to grab an extra napkin out of the metal holder and swiping at his mouth.

“Is it gone?” he asked, somehow having smeared it instead of wiping it off.

“No, it’s…” Michael started, but instead of telling him, he grabbed another napkin and dunked it into his ice water before leaning over and wiping away the syrup. When he sat back, the napkin balled up and on the table between him, he noticed that Alex looked a little shocked. He tried to figure out why and realized that what he’d done might have seemed a little… patronizing. He looked down at his plate in horror. “I’m sorry. I just thought it’d be easier if I—”

“No, Michael, it’s fine. It’s fine. I just… you just surprised me,” Alex said quickly. Michael nodded and started to sit up to start eating again, pulling his legs away from Alex’s to give him space. He was surprised when Alex’s legs tightened around one of his and held him in place. Michael looked over the table at Alex who was lifting an eyebrow at him in challenge. Michael smiled softly and Alex lowered his eyes, snorting derisively.

“Eat your food,” he commanded before stealing a bite of Michael’s hash browns off his plate. Michael squawked indignantly and grabbed a piece of his waffle. They shuffled around stealing bites and trying to defend their plates from one another for a couple minutes before they caught the disapproving eye of the waitress and tampered down their antics. The rest of the meal was spent exchanging secret smiles over their forks.


	7. Help Them Connect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jealousy and Intimacy gets the best of them.

Two days later, Michael walked into class and was surprised to see someone else wearing the cheap blue satin robe chatting with the instructor. He was medium height, not terrible looking, with very blue hair. Michael scanned the room of people searching for Alex, wondering if he’d called out sick and cursing the fact that he still didn’t have his number programmed into his phone, when the supply closet door opened and Alex entered the room wearing a cheap black satin robe with gold embroidery that honestly made Michael’s mouth go dry upon first sight. The effect was dampened by his confusion as to why there were two models for the day. He headed to his seat, intending to try and get Alex’s attention, but the class bell rang as he was sitting down.

“Alright guys, as you can see I’ve got two models with us today. This is Forrest. He’s going to add a little challenge to our poses by acting as an interacting body. Get out your charcoals, we’re going to start, as usual, with quick action poses. Gentlemen,” the instructor finished, waving her hand towards the stage. Alex and Forrest both shrugged off their robes and draped them on the chair at the back of the stage before climbing up. Either they’d done this before with one another or they’d discussed the poses before class because they simply fell into their first pose effortlessly. Michael was very satisfied to see that they were wearing the beige speedo-type briefs instead of posing completely nude.

For the first pose they each crossed their outstretched arms and clasped hands, leaning away from one another, feet planted wide. Alex’s back was to Michael and while he loved the highlighted muscles being used to keep his grip and keep himself steady during the pose, he hated seeing the intensity and familiarity of Forrest’s stare towards Alex.

“So, who the fuck is that guy?” Isobel murmured under her breath as she took in Michael’s thunderous expression. Michael shrugged irritably and tried to concentrate on drawing.

“No clue. Alex never mentioned him,” Michael replied shortly.

They changed positions and Michael felt his blood pressure rising steadily with each one. By the time the class was ready for their break before starting the long pose, Michael felt like he lived somewhere between rage and despair. Obviously, they knew each other well since they touched each other without hesitation or discomfort. Maybe Forrest was an ex or another lover of Alex’s that he was stringing along when Michael wasn’t around. Michael had enough time to appreciate that Forrest had a very good-looking face, and his body was fit, muscles well-defined, but not overly bulky for his smaller frame. Michael was on fire inside, dying to say something, but wanting to be the bigger person and not act out on his jealousy. He had no actual claim on Alex. Alex was free to do whatever with whomever he wanted and not even give Michael a polite heads-up. If that rankled Michael and made him want to eat glass, then it was of no concern to Alex. The next three poses weren’t any better for his overactive imagination as he watched them touch, lean, and stare at each other. 

When they hit the break between action poses and their long pose, Michael made himself not stare at Forrest and Alex interacting on the side of the stage as they shrugged on their robes. He brooded behind his drawing pad, pretending to straighten up his already utilitarian work area. A flash of black satin caught his attention at the corner of his easel. He looked up quickly and met Alex’s eyes. He looked worried and a little guilty. It was the guilt that made Michael’s jaw tighten and he felt his expression harden as he stared into Alex’s eyes.

“Hey,” Alex started, chewing on his bottom lip. Isobel looked between them, taking in Alex’s nervous, but overly casual demeanor and Michael’s stiff, stony silence.

“Hey Alex,” she interjected with forced enthusiasm, grabbing Alex’s attention away from Michael’s face. “You two were great up there. Is this your first time modeling with Forrest?”

“Uh, no. He’s… he’s a back up for the class. He modeled a lot last semester. He’s actually the one who told me about this job and got me an in with the instructor. Occasionally he lets me know about modeling gigs around the area,” Alex explained, a little woodenly, eyes darting back to Michael who sat with his lips pressed tightly together.

“Oh, so you have a  _ professional _ history together. I guess that explains why you’re so comfortable with each other,” Isobel said, trying to clue Alex into why Michael looked so upset.

“Well, we also know each other personally. But that’s… a long story that I don’t have time to get into right now. Either way, it’s ancient history. Shit, the break is up. Can we talk after?” Alex asked, raising his eyes at Michael to let him know who he was really asking. Michael nodded, unclenching his muscles and deflating as he watched Alex turn to go back to the stage. The chair was back onstage and after the two men dropped their robes, Forrest took a seat in it. They’d canted the chair to the side and the two of them got into a complicated pose so that everyone would have something interesting to draw. Forrest sat with his body almost diagonal on the chair. Leg stretched to the side, arm over the back reaching down, face molded into a look of longing. Alex stretched around the back of the chair on the floor resting on his hip as he reached for Forrest’s stretched leg, his own body twisted, knee bent as if to push off. It was a beautiful pose, but the look of desperate need that Alex affected while reaching towards Forrest’s body hurt Michael for some reason. It looked so sad and he hated seeing Alex look like he wanted something so much and he couldn’t have it. It echoed Michael’s feelings about Alex and made him feel like an open wound for the rest of the class.

When the instructor called for them to clean up, Michael watched as Alex made a point to let Forrest go into the supply closet to change alone, despite the suggestive invitations Forrest seemed to be making towards him. Alex walked over to Michael’s station and sat in the chair Isobel had vacated next to him.

“Remember class, you need to be thinking or already working on your final project. You can choose whatever fine art medium you wish, but it must be a figure study. It will be due the first week of December after Thanksgiving break so that we can spend the next week doing peer critiques,” the instructor yelled over the noise of people moving chairs, talking, and generally collecting themselves to leave.

“So, Forrest was telling me about a gig this Saturday in Santa Fe for an art collective he knows. It’s a society that hosts a monthly exhibition. Apparently, they hire live models to come pose for a couple hours if people want to use the time to make art together? They pay like twenty-five dollars an hour and it would be something like three hours of work. I, uh… I know you have a car? If I buy you a tank of gas, is there any way you could drive me? I’d ask Maria but… I’d rather you go with me,” Alex finished, a little lamely. Michael watched him clutch nervously at his knees, back straight as he explained the situation, voice hesitant.

“So is this a favor or a date?” Michael asked, trying to sound casual as he buttoned up his satchel with his art supplies.

“It’s an opportunity for me to work and you to get free food and wine,” Alex replied evenly, clenching his jaw at Michael’s mention of the word ‘date.’

“Why not have Forrest go with you since he’s familiar with the set up?” Michael asked, voice brittle. This day had just picked at all his scabs where Alex was concerned, and it didn’t seem to be letting up.

“Well, he can’t go. That’s why he let me know about the opportunity for a job. Honestly, if it’s a problem I’ll just ask Maria,” Alex replied, annoyance starting to edge into his voice to mirror Michael’s. Michael opened his mouth to answer when the supply closet door opened and a fully dressed Forrest sauntered out looking… fucking cool in a way that Michael had never been able to pull together. He walked up to them, a smile on his face like he couldn’t tell they were bickering at each other.

“Hey Alex, is this your friend Matthew?” Forrest asked, looking Michael up and down appraisingly.

“It’s Michael,” Michael replied before Alex could. “But there may be a Matthew also, who knows?”

He saw the muscles in Alex’s jaw twitch and Forrest looked a little surprised at the venom in his tone.

“No, it’s probably you he was telling me about. I’m terrible with names. Did Alex tell you about the, uh, thing in Santa Fe?” Forrest asked, starting to give Alex concerned looks as he glared down at Michael. “It’s a really cool deal. It would be great if Alex could get in with the group. They have all sorts of opportunities for live models and they pay well. Maybe he could even take some time off from the library.”

Forrest laughed and sent Michael a wink conspiratorially. Michael forced out a laugh, but it sounded hollow.

“We’re still discussing him giving me a lift,” Alex said quietly, looking over at Forrest apologetically. “I’ll text you if I can take the job.”

“Cool, cool. Well, I guess I’ll see you guys later. Nice to meet you, Mike.” Forrest waved and headed to the door. Michael watched him leave, a sour taste in his mouth at Forrest’s forced attempt at comradery. The instructor stuck her head in from the hallway after Forrest passed, eyes sweeping the room. She eyed them speculatively but addressed Alex.

“Alex, can you lock the door behind you once you’re out of here? I’m not going to be back for the afternoon sessions,” she called across the room at them. Alex turned and plastered on a professional smile for her.

“Sure, Pam, I’ll grab it. Have a nice afternoon,” he called, waving at her as she sent him a thumbs up and let the door shut behind her. Michael and Alex sat in silence for a minute, not looking at one another, just lost in their own thoughts.

“I’m going to go get dressed,” Alex piped up in a glum voice. Michael watched him walk away and cursed at himself silently. He was being a jerk. He knew he was being a jerk. He needed to go apologize before this got worse. Michael got up quickly and followed Alex into the supply closet. He was peeling off the awful beige briefs, body turned towards the door. He paused when Michael came in, looking up at him as he stepped nimbly out of the garment.

“Yes?” he asked, straightening up and tossing the briefs onto the work bench. Michael was aware that he saw Alex nude almost literally more than half the time they were together, but it didn’t make any difference whatsoever to his heart or libido when they were alone. He swallowed thickly as he stared, mind suddenly blank of anything besides how much he wanted to touch and worship every square inch of Alex’s skin. Alex didn’t seem to catch his thought process, however, as Michael stood still inside the doorway and silently built altars in his mind to Alex’s  _ everything _ so he continued, sounding disheartened, “Look, it’s fine if you don’t want to give me a ride. I just thought it might be nice to hang out for awhile outside of one of my jobs even if it was just in a car for an hour.”

He shrugged, almost seeming irritated as he turned to sort through his clothes to find his underwear. When he turned his back, it seemed to knock something loose and bring Michael back into the present. He quickly closed the space between them, plastering himself to Alex’s back and wrapping his arms tightly around his waist, stilling his progress to re-dress. He buried his nose into Alex’s hair and breathed deeply, gathering his thoughts before speaking.

“I’m sorry I’ve been acting like a jerk today,” he started, waiting to feel the tension in Alex’s body relax minutely before continuing. “I’ll take you to Santa Fe. Can we make a deal though?”

“What kind of deal?” Alex asked quietly as Michael ran the tip of his nose across his shoulder before resting his mouth on the slope.

“No money exchange. I can spare the fifteen bucks in gas to get us to Santa Fe and back. But what I need is a model for my final project. Would you be willing to model for me?” Michael asked, lips moving against Alex’s skin and making goosebumps erupt over his shoulder. He slid his hands up Alex’s stomach to his chest where he softly stroked his thumbs over Alex’s nipples. Alex drew in a sharp breath at the attention, hands immediately reaching back to grip the soft fabric of Michael’s pants. “Not to seem coercive, but I can sweeten the pot with mind-blowing sex if you agree.”

Alex whined and arched his back, pushing his chest harder against Michael’s tickling, teasing fingers and his ass back against Michael’s growing hard on. Michael let one of his hands drift down to cup Alex’s balls, kneading them gently in his palm while slowly rocking his pelvis forward to rub himself against Alex’s crease. Alex panted, grinding his ass back against Michael’s covered cock even as he half turned to capture Michael’s mouth in an awkward, but desperate kiss.

“Is that a yes? No? You’ll think about it?” Michael teased before biting softly at the sharp edge of Alex’s jaw.

“Yeah, that’s… that’s fine. We can do that,” Alex agreed breathlessly. Alex’s hand was over his head, tangled in Michael’s hair pressing his mouth and teeth harder against his skin.

A pink cap on one of the supply shelves caught Michael’s eye as he moved his mouth over to the opposite side of Alex’s neck. He paused and read the words “Baby Oil” and his mind went somewhere filthy. He made sure he was blocking Alex’s view as he used his telekinetic powers to bring the bottle down off the shelf and set it onto the countertop nearer to his hand. As he pushed his sweats down his hips with Alex’s help, he gently unscrewed the top of the bottle with his mind. He stepped out of his shoes and sweatpants quickly, pushing them further behind him with his foot.

“Do you trust me?” Michael whispered into Alex’s ear. He wasn’t sure Alex had heard him. Alex was a mess, moaning curses and rubbing back against Michael’s now naked cock, the crease of his ass smeared with Michael’s precum. Michael stilled his hands which had been pinching and pulling Alex’s nipples, making them puffy and red from the attention.

“No blood or bodily fluids not normally found in sex, but yes. I trust you,” Alex said in a rush. He tried to turn in Michael’s arms, but Michael stopped him gently with a hand on his ribs.

“No, stay where you are, please,” Michael asked, kissing his shoulder blade in apology. Alex stopped trying to turn and stayed where he was, but Michael could feel his curiosity. Michael grabbed the baby oil off the counter and squirted some into his hand. He wrapped his hand around Alex’s erection and stroked firmly, covering the flesh in the smooth oil.

“Shit, where did you find that?” Alex asked mid-groan. He was starting to sound wrecked and Michael was only half a dozen strokes in.

“Middle shelf, staring me right in the face,” Michael answered. Alex moaned again in answer, hips undulating and fucking through Michael’s fist as he jacked him off. Michael took his hand away and grabbed the bottle, squirting more oil into his already slick hand. He quickly pushed his hand between Alex’s ass cheeks, smearing the oil down and between his thighs.

“What are you doing?” Alex asked, looking over his shoulder. He sounded a little concerned and Michael wondered if he’d ever done this before.

“Have you ever had intercrural sex before? Uh.. fucked between someone’s thighs?” Michael asked, taking one more portion of oil and coating his cock with it.

“No, I haven’t,” Alex answered, tone sounding a little embarrassed. Michael looked up at him and grinned. He moved forward and captured his lips, tongue slipping into Alex’s mouth and caressing his before retreating.

“It’s no big deal. You’re going to squeeze your thighs together and while I jack you off, I’m going to put my dick in between your legs and rub one out,” Michael explained. He’d pushed back into Alex’s space, his cock already slipping into the crevice between Alex’s cheeks while his hand resumed its position on Alex’s cock. “Sound okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Alex agreed, swallowing thickly and shifting to press his thighs together in front of Michael. Michael hummed his appreciation. He pressed his hips back far enough to push his cock down and into the tight, warm space Alex had created for him. He thrust in until he could feel the back of Alex’s balls and stopped at Alex’s surprised “ _ Oh!” _

“You okay?” Michael asked, feeling a little breathless at how good it felt already. He smoothed his free hand over Alex’s chest and stomach, unable to keep still. Alex nodded and leaned his body back into Michael’s, letting him take care of some of his weight. Michael started with slow, measured thrusts that he could easily match with his hand on Alex. Alex panted at the attention, hand reaching past his cock to slip his fingers past his balls, searching for the feeling of Michael sliding against his body. Michael picked up the pace, his eyes fixed on the place where his cock disappeared into the press of Alex’s skin, and enjoying the dirty, wet slap of this skin moving against each other.

“Shit, Michael,” Alex moaned, thighs tensing tighter as his orgasm approached. Michael whined and kept going, pumping his hips wildly as they both approached the finish line. Michael hit the mark first, pushing his body tight against Alex’s and holding on as his cock painted the back of Alex’s balls in his cum. He left his slowly softening cock where it was, not ready to move back from Alex’s body, and then he took back up his previous tempo with his hand. Alex made a choked noise and pitched forward, hand bracing itself on the step ladder as he came, cum dripping from Michael’s hand onto the dark concrete floor. They braced themselves and heaved breaths without moving away from each other. Finally, Alex straightened up and moved his thighs apart. Michael’s spent cock slid from between them and he mourned that they couldn’t stay like that longer. He felt brittle somehow now that he wasn’t touching Alex, now that Alex’s body wasn’t holding onto him in some way, and it made his chest ache in a way he’d never felt before.

Alex turned and kissed Michael full of hunger, tongue, and teeth. It was the kiss they should’ve started the afternoon with, but Michael was just as happy to receive it at the end. He wrapped his arms tightly around Alex’s body and pressed until they were touching knees to nipples. It made him feel better, more grounded, to have so much of Alex’s over-warm flesh touching his own. His hands roamed Alex’s body, pulling him closer, making sure he stayed, memorizing by feel the way he melted into Michael’s chest. They broke apart reluctantly, startled by the end of the period bell. Alex glanced out the grubby windows towards the side of campus where his dorm was.

“I’m going to have to go take a shower before work,” he commented, bending over to look at his thighs. Irrationally, the statement made Michael giggle and he went over to the sink where students washed out paint brushes and grabbed a paper towel and wet it. He returned to Alex and kneeled on the ground in front of him, running the cool, wet towel up his thighs and around his perineum. When he finished, Michael moved forward and kissed Alex’s naked hip bone gently before looking up. When he did, he was surprised by Alex’s expression. He looked…. Shocked? Amazed? Touched? Maybe a pinch of fear? Michael sat back on his heels and stared up at Alex in confusion.

“What?” he asked, unsure if he should be defensive or not. Alex seemed to shake himself out of whatever frozen emotion he’d been caught up in. He gave Michael a nervous smile.

“That was just… really intimate. It caught me off guard.” Alex took a step back, putting space between Michael and himself.

“And what we did 5 minutes ago wasn’t intimate?” Michael asked, knowing he sounded like he was trying to pick a fight and not sure how to fix it. He wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t trying to pick a fight.

“That was a different kind of intimacy, what you did a second ago. That was… really sweet.” Despite his words, Alex looked a little put off as if Michael had once again crossed some invisible line that only Alex knew about. Michael raised an eyebrow at him and stood up, chucking the soiled towel into the trash can. Disappointment bloomed in his chest, followed quickly by anger at Alex rejecting his honest affection towards him.

“What’s so bad about me doing something sweet?” Michael asked, turning and moving past Alex to swipe his pants off the floor and angrily stuff his legs into them.

“You’re not…  _ we’re _ not doing that kind of thing. This is about sex and making out and it’s not about getting attached or having feelings. That kind of sweet… that kind of sweet doesn’t fit our dynamic,” Alex explained, watching Michael hurry to get his clothes in place. “This isn’t a relationship, Michael.”

He’d said the last part so quietly, Michael wondered if Alex hoped he wouldn’t hear him say it. But he had. Whirling, Michael pulled his shirt over his head and stopped inches from Alex’s face.

“And whose fault is that?” he seethed, before grabbing his satchel and storming out of the closet. He waited for Alex to stop him, slowed down to give him time to make the right decision, stopped right outside the building and waited a minute to let him catch up… but Alex didn’t show. Growling in frustration at himself, Michael set off towards the part of campus his afternoon classes took place at. He grabbed his phone out of his back pocket and dialed Isobel.

“Michael,” she said in greeting, sounding amused that he was calling instead of texting for once.

“What the fuck am I doing, Iz?” he exploded, stopping and stepping off the paved pathways to lean against a short brick half wall. He was far enough from the art building he didn’t think Alex would happen upon him having a meltdown accidentally.

“I don’t know, what are you doing, Michael?” she asked carefully.

“I don’t fucking know either,” he admitted, scared at how lost he felt. He felt that embarrassing hot flush around his eyes that usually meant he was going to cry. He grit his teeth and squeezed his empty fist, making some of the rocks on the ground rattle as he struggled to control his emotions.

“Is this about Alex?” she asked quietly.

“When isn’t it? I swear to God Iz, I don’t know what he’s thinking. Hell, I don’t know what I’m thinking! Every time I gain an inch, I lose a mile. It’s so fucking frustrating,” he growled through clenched teeth. He slid down the wall and sat on the cold dirt. The wind was blowing slightly, and it cut through his clothes, but the cold made him feel alive and numb at the same time.

“What happened?” she asked, sympathy evident in her tone. Michael stared unseeing at the blue sky above him, not sure how to put it into words.

“He said we weren’t in a relationship,” Michael replied, feeling stupid. He knew they weren’t technically together, but he didn’t understand how Alex could honestly think they weren’t in a relationship. Michael visited him at work practically every day. He brought him drinks and food. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other! How was this not a relationship?

“Well, I mean… in a Facebook official sort of way, you’re not. You’ve been pursuing him and he’s been turning you down. EMOTIONALLY,” she interjected loudly, sensing he was about to argue with her, “Emotionally… yeah, you guys are in a relationship. Even if it was just friends with benefits, that is a relationship. So, what did you say when he said that?”

“I asked him whose fault it was and stormed out,” Michael admitted reluctantly. He winced at the memory.

“Dramatic,” Isobel commented dryly. He could feel the disapproval in her words, and he didn’t wholly disagree that it might’ve been the wrong choice. At the time it was that or start crying and wouldn’t that have really made Alex run for the metaphorical hills.

“Well, I was feeling pretty dramatic. After seeing that Forrest guy looking at Alex all afternoon like he was cake for the taking and then we’d just had sex when he said… I was a little too emotionally compromised for the day to take another hit.”

“Well, at least there’s only like one more class period before Thanksgiving break. You can lick your wounds this weekend and be cordial on Monday and then fuck your way through every dive bar in town until I get back from Roswell to emotionally support you,” Isobel reasoned, sounding more confident now that she had a plan in mind. Michael loved her, but sometimes she missed the point.

“Yeah. Maybe. Except I promised to drive him to Santa Fe for a gig tomorrow. I don’t know if that’s still going on or whatever, but if it is… I think I’m walking into a situation where I’m going to get hurt,” Michael replied glumly. His hands were starting to ache with how cold it was outside, but he didn’t really want to get up and move from the ground. He felt like he needed some numbing right about then. It was just too bad that the cold didn’t work on your brain.

“Possibly. Or maybe you’ll reconcile this whole affair? Did you ask him to be your model for your final project?” Isobel asked, continuing to try and sound hopeful for Michael’s sake.

“Yeah. That was in exchange for the ride.”

“Then I guess you better be at his dorm with your carriage, Prince Charming,” she stated simply. As if all this could be fixed simply by him showing up once again and proving he couldn’t be scared away by Alex’s stubborn refusal to recognize that he cared about him.

“I don’t even have his phone number, Iz. How the hell am I going to do that?” Another wound for the day. He’d never gotten to ask Alex for his number. Forrest had his number, but Michael didn’t.

“Ugh. Give me like… ten minutes. I’m sure I know someone who knows Maria Deluca and can get his phone number from her,” Isobel reasoned and Michael could tell she was already sorting through the rolodex in her mind to find the path of least resistance to Maria and then Alex’s phone number.

“No,” Michael said emphatically. “I’m tired of chasing him. If he still wants me to drive him to Santa Fe, he can headhunt my number. He knows where I live.”

“Okay. Well…. I hope this turns out the way you want it to,” Isobel replied doubtfully. Apparently neither one of them thought Alex would come crawling back. His chest tightened at the thought that this could be it for the two of them. It didn’t feel right, didn’t feel possible. There was something between them that felt like puzzle pieces fitting together. Was he the only one who saw it? ‘ _ Great’ _ , he thought. ‘ _ I’ve apparently only been deluding myself.’ _

“Yeah, me too,” Michael replied in a tired voice. They sat in silence on the phone, listening to one another breathe. Michael didn’t know what to say that hadn’t already been said and he knew there was no advice or bolstering Isobel could do that wouldn’t fall on deaf ears. He’d do what he’d do, whether it ended with him on fire or not.

“l love you, bro” Isobel finally piped up in a sad, commiserate tone. It said all the things she couldn’t say and more. Michael sighed and sent her a mental hug for her continued support despite his dumbassery.

“I love you too, Iz. I’ll talk to you later,” he replied, listening for her goodbye before ending the call and pushing his phone into his jacket pocket. He looked around the deserted campus and wished he had an easy fix for how he was feeling. But he didn’t, so he just buried his head in his hands and breathed the cuttingly cold winter air into his lungs slow and measured until he didn’t feel like screaming anymore.


	8. Interlude (4.5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys take a trip to Santa Fe.

**_‘Tie your heart at night to mine, love/and both will defeat the darkness/ twin drums beating in the forest_ _/_ _against the heavy wall of wet leaves.’_ **

Michael looked up from the Pablo Neruda poem he was reading for a Composition II assignment when one of his frat brothers, Chad, knocked on his door frame. Chad was tall, broad, and blonde. He was the kind of frat brother you wanted to have; a golden retriever in human form.

“Guerin, you have a visitor downstairs,” Chad told him, giving him a curious look. Michael furrowed his brow and pushed his book aside before sitting up.

“Who is it?” Michael asked, sliding off his bed. Chad shrugged his thick shoulders at him and waited for Michael to follow. “Okay. Lead on.”

“Hey, since you’re going downstairs, will you bring me back up a Dr. Pepper?” Jackson, his roommate, called from his side of the room. He was laying across his own bed, laptop open on his stomach, books and notebooks scattered around him.

“Sure,” Michael said over his shoulder, even as he met Chad’s eyes and they shared an eye roll. Jackson was always asking for shit so he didn’t have to get up and move. It’d become something of a house joke that if you left a room with Jackson in it, he’d send you on an errand for him. They walked down the hall together towards the stairs.

“He’s such a needy ass. I don’t know how you stand having him as a roommate,” Chad said once they were halfway down the stairs and well out of earshot of his room. Michael just shrugged.

“He’s a rich ass who usually buys and shares good booze. He’s not perfect, but he’s clean and generous once you get a couple shots in him,” Michael replied, wiggling his eyebrows and giving Chad a suggestive leer. Chad laughed good naturedly and elbowed Michael’s arm. Chad didn’t take any issue with Michael’s bisexuality and wasn’t threatened by Michael talking about fucking dudes. It was refreshing and Michael would’ve kissed him if Chad swung that way.

“Dude, you’re playing with fire. His girlfriend is a fucking demon when she’s mad,” Chad warned, pausing with him in the foyer. 

“Oh I know! I wouldn’t cross her if it was the only path to salvation,” Michael chuckled. He and Chad high-fived in solidarity and Chad left Michael by the front door. He watched Chad retreat towards the door leading to the frat’s basement game room before opening the front door to greet his visitor. He had a bad feeling he knew exactly who it was and he didn’t particularly want an audience. Taking a deep, fortifying breath, Michael swung open the heavy oak door and stepped out onto the porch.

“Hey,” Alex said, taking a step back and looking at Michael like he was on trial for murder. The cold air whipped around them and Michael folded his arms over his chest.

“Hey,” Michael replied back coldly, shutting the door and leaning against it. He looked Alex over and felt something in his chest tighten. Alex looked as good as always, dressed in black skinny jeans, a black AFI hoodie over a white P!atD shirt, freshly showered with his hair pushed away from his face. He had his septum piercing in which Michael hadn’t seen him wear since the Halloween party. He’d even put on eyeliner and Michael would be a lying liar if he said it didn’t do something for him. Still, they were fighting, and Michael wasn’t going to give in just because Alex had decided to look pretty today. So he waited, barely restraining himself from tapping his foot in irritation, and watched Alex squirm on his front porch.

“Are you still going to give me a ride to Santa Fe? Or is that off?” Alex asked quietly, eyes barely meeting Michael’s for a second before darting away, suddenly fascinated with the dead ivy climbing the side of the house. Michael bit down his first retort, surprised he didn’t hear his teeth creak with the force he was exerting.

“You could have called to ask,” Michael said maliciously, knowing the answer, but wanting to hear Alex say it.

“Uh… I don’t have your number? So I couldn’t call,” Alex admitted, sounding a little ashamed. Michael wondered if this had been the first time he’d noticed that he couldn’t call Michael, when he _needed_ him.

“Oh, that’s right, you don’t have my number because we’re not in a relationship. I’m just the dude who shows up occasionally to suck your dick. Or maybe I’m the Magic Macchiato Fairy who always brings you coffee when you’re working at the library? But why would you have my number? We’ve hardly met yet. I don’t know you at all, in fact, so it makes sense that we don’t have each other’s numbers, right?” Michael replied acidly through a clenched jaw. “I’m just a hook-up from a college party a month ago. Absolutely unmemorable. Just a thing that happened once when you were drunk, a mistake.”

“Michael, stop!” Alex begged, holding his hands up in front of him like Michael’s words were actual blows. Michael fell silent and stared at him. His face was twisted in misery as he looked back at Michael. “Look, I get it! I fucked up, okay? None of this has happened the way I thought it would.”

Michael stared at him, struck by the watery sound of his voice and the way his face was flushing.

“How did you think it would go, then?” Michael asked quietly.

“I thought…. I thought you’d get bored of me. I thought you’d stop coming to the library if I refused to acknowledge you. I thought you’d get tired of waiting around for me, get frustrated and leave. I thought you’d figure out I wasn’t worth all this effort and that you were wasting your time. And I… I shouldn’t have encouraged things the way that I did. That’s on me,” Alex admitted, words falling colder than the rain that had started up midway through their conversation. 

“And now you need me to drive you to Santa Fe. Isn’t that _encouraging_ a further connection between us? Shared experiences and what have you?” Michael asked acidly, not letting up. 

“I thought we were friends,” Alex said meekly and Michael couldn’t help it, he scoffed and threw his hands in the air in resignation.

“If you treat your friends like this, it’s no wonder you’re lonely.” Alex looked up at him sharply, eyes narrowing.

“Who said I was lonely?” he asked, heat starting to infuse his voice.

“It’s pretty obvious you’re lonely. All you do is work and school. You have like… one friend? Well, two if you count me, but I’m not sure I would right now if I were you,” Michael shot back.

“You don’t know me. I was perfectly happy with my _one friend_. I didn’t need you walking in and complicating my life! I had a plan!” Alex yelled, fully angry now, fists clenched at his side. Michael would not be surprised if behind him curtains were twitched aside as his brothers watched the drama on the front porch.

“A plan? What was that? Work until you die and _then_ regret not taking chances or forging human connections? You’re not a fucking robot, Alex! I get that you’re in a tough place financially, but you have to let yourself live a little or all this work is for fucking nothing,” Michael yelled back. His face felt hot enough to make the rain sizzle against his skin and his breath was coming out of his mouth in quick, thick puffs of steam against the cold air. Alex’s hair was starting to drip onto the cloth of his hoodie, soaking in and adding to the darkening ring around his shoulders and neck. They looked at each other and Michael could swear he saw a tear leak from Alex’s eye, but maybe it was just the rain.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Michael,” Alex admitted weakly. He tore his eyes away from Michael’s again, lips pressed tightly together, and he stared down the row of frat houses while he gathered himself. He looked back at Michael and repeated himself, sounding lost. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Michael stared at him. Watched the rain fall onto him, cold droplets hitting his face and making his skin look pale against his dark hair and darker clothes. He hated how beautiful he looked, even like this. Michael sighed deeply. There was no way he wasn’t going to fall for this. He was already more than half in love with this idiot and he knew it.

“Okay. Come in and quit standing in the rain. You look like a Titanic extra. I’ll go get my car keys and we’ll get you to Santa Fe,” Michael finally said, grabbing Alex’s wrist and pulling him past the door’s threshold and into the main foyer. “This doesn’t mean we’re okay.”

Once inside, Alex immediately started pulling his damp shirt away from his chest. Michael could understand the feeling, the hot air of the frat house almost felt oppressive after standing outside for so long in the cold rain. He left Alex to fend for himself and rushed up the stairs back to his dorm room. Jackson looked up from his laptop when he entered.

“Where’s my drink?” he asked when he saw Michael was empty handed.

“I didn’t make it to the kitchen. Sorry dude. I’m going to be out all night,” Michael said as he grabbed his keys, wallet, phone and coat and rushed back out of the room. He hustled back down the hallway and down the stairs, finding Alex miraculously where he left him. He looked miserable standing in the middle of the frat house foyer alone dripping on the carpet.

“Come on, I’m parked by the street,” Michael said, opening the front door and leading them back out into the frigid fall drizzle. He led them quickly to where his truck was parked and used his key to unlock the passenger side before running around to the front to get in his side. When they were both in the cab, Michael slammed the key into the ignition and started up the motor. The old Chevy roared to life and cold air blasted through the vents.

“Give it a minute. She’s old, but her heater will burn the hair off your arm if you’re not careful,” Michael joked through chattering teeth. Alex sat huddled against the door, visibly shivering against the onslaught of cold air whirling around the inside of the truck. Michael looked over at him and wished he could scoot over the bench seat and hold him or tell him to come cuddle next to him while he drove until the engine warmed up enough for the heat to kick in…but he wasn’t sure it would be welcomed by himself or Alex. Their conversation hadn’t actually resolved anything that Michael hadn’t already been aware of.

Deciding to leave it until later, Michael put the truck in gear and pulled out onto the street. They’d barely gone four blocks before the heat started to kick in and warm the truck up. He flipped on the radio and turned it down low to make the silence between them not feel so loaded while he navigated onto the freeway that headed northeast to Santa Fe. Michael kept an eye on Alex as he drove, waiting for him to stop shivering so he could turn down the heat. Michael’s body temp ran warmer than a normal human’s and it always felt stifling to him way before anyone else would complain.

“Dude, why don’t you shove your hoodie down in the footwell under the heater? I bet it would be dry by the time we get to wherever we’re going,” Michael suggested. Alex looked over at him to see if he was fucking with him, but Michael just shrugged and turned back to the road. “Or let it dry on your body. Whatever you wanna do.”

He could see Alex hesitate before slowly stripping the hoodie off his arms and then bending down to shove it directly under the heater.

“Sure this isn’t a cheap ploy to get me naked?” Alex asked in a falsely light tone.

“Right, because that’s all I’m after. You caught me,” Michael answered dryly.

“No, I know that’s not… I know,” Alex responded immediately a little shamefaced. Michael glanced over at him and immediately felt like a dick. He couldn’t seem to stop shooting off his anger at Alex so he drove and tried to figure out a way to make the situation better. Maybe change the subject.

“So what’s the deal with your family? Maria mentioned your dad cut you off. Your mom not in the picture?”

“Uh… no. No, she left me and my brothers when I was around eight so I grew up with just my dad.”

“No stepmom?”

“Weirdly, no. I don’t even ever remember my dad having a girlfriend after mom left. But then, he had four boys at home and he’s a monster, so maybe that was enough people for him to terrorize without adding a civilian to the mix,” Alex added flippantly, though there was an undercurrent of rage.

“I’m assuming he was military since Maria said that he cut you off cause you didn’t join the military like he wanted. Is all your family military?” Michael asked a little awkwardly.

“Yep, the last four generations of Manes Men have all been military. There’s a whole ‘legacy’ thing my dad liked to lord over us as kids. I just… couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stay under his thumb the way my brothers had. I couldn’t… let my dad ship me to war hoping someone else would finally get rid of me for him.”

“That bad?”

“If he could’ve figured out how to keep his job and kill his gay son, I’d be in an unmarked grave somewhere in the desert right now. I’m not even sure I would’ve gotten a chance to finish high school. Instead, I just got 7 years of getting the shit knocked out of me in every way imaginable and then shoved out the day after graduation. My brothers have never tried to contact me. My mom is in the wind somewhere and her people won’t talk to me about her or help me out, so yeah…I don’t have anyone besides Maria.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry, man. That’s a hard one.”

“Yeah, so now that you know my sad story. What about you? You said you don’t have family either? Were you in the system or just didn’t get along with your adopted family?”

“HA! No, no one ever adopted me. Isobel and Max, her twin, got adopted a week after we were picked up. I got shoved into the system and spent the next few years bouncing around from house to house, school to school, until I finally bought my truck and started sleeping in it somewhere around middle of junior year. I was lucky enough to have reconnected with Iz and Max by then so they helped me out where they could. They’re the only family I can claim, but holidays belong to their adoptive parents so… I still get to miss those. The Evanses don’t really know I exist.”

“Shit… That sucks, Michael. I’m sorry you had to deal with that,” Alex said, laying a hand on Michael’s shoulder. Michael sniffed and flashed him a stiff smile.

“As you know, sometimes it’s the cards you’re dealt,” Michael replied, hating that the words felt too thick for his tongue as he said it.

“Right,” Alex agreed.

“Wanna listen to the radio for a while?” Michael asked, pointing towards the dial on the old truck’s radio.

“Yeah, sure, we can do that.” Michael waved his hand in invitation and Alex started fiddling with the channels until he found a classic rock station to drown out their thoughts. The dark was falling quickly around them, stars beginning to wink in the horizon as they kept driving towards their destination.

Once they’d entered the city, Alex read the text directions Forrest had sent them to get them to the party. It was being held at one of the art society members' houses in an upscale suburb. Every house on the block was an adobe and stone mini-mansion with a gated courtyard and three car detached garage. Michael and Alex parked at the end of the block, marveling at the number of BMWs, Audis, Infinitis and Porsches lining the streets.

“We may be underdressed,” Alex commented quietly as they walked towards the house that Forrest had indicated to him. It was tan with beveled glass outdoor light fixtures that twinkled attractively as they made their way up the stone walkway.

“Well, you’re here to get undressed so I doubt they’ll notice. Me on the other hand? I may have to wait in the kitchens for you with the other house staff…”

Alex snorted at the idea and Michael couldn’t help mirroring Alex’s smile as he watched him.

“At least then you’d get to taste all the food,” Alex reminded him as they stepped up to the ornate front door and rang the bell. “I forgot to eat something and right now I would murder for a single corn chip.”

“Maybe I’ll find a way to sneak you some nibbles during your breaks?” Michael offered, earning a shy nod from Alex. Before he could answer, the massive front door swung open and revealed a tall, willowy woman who was probably only five or so years older than them but carried herself as if she were in another stratosphere of life. She was super model gorgeous and very nearly naked in a blousy peasant dress that floated around her and barely skimmed the tops of her long tan legs. She looked them up and down, a darkly pleased smile stretching her shimmery glossed lips.

“May I help you?” she asked in a sultry voice, eyes only settling on Alex for a second before raking up and down Michael like she wanted to treat his body like her personal buffet. Alex and Michael were both struck stupid for a second, knocked off balance by the flirtatious leering of this beautiful stranger.

“Uh, Forrest sent me. I’m here to model for the art society party? Is this the right place?” Alex asked a little nervously and Michael caught him shooting him questioning glances. Was he trying to gauge his reaction to the obvious invitation this woman was giving Michael or just get some reassurance they hadn’t walked up to a den of iniquity unknowingly?

“Oh yeah, I’ll show you to the back,” she replied casually to Alex before turning her attention back to Michael and taking a step forward into his personal space, “Who are you, handsome? Are you going to get naked for me too?”

She practically purred as she draped herself along the door jam in front of him. Her barely-there peasant dress rode higher on her legs and Michael was a little scared she was about to show Alex his first lady’s all-together in the middle of her front yard.

“Bianca!” a male voice broke in from nearby, seconds before an equally elegant young man crossed the large marble foyer to stand close behind the beautiful woman who simmered down slightly at his appearance. Michael watched the man curl a possessive hand around her hip as he took in Alex and him.

“Who’s this?” he asked, flicking over Alex with mild interest before giving Michael a more thorough look over.

“This one,” Bianca pointed vaguely in Alex’s direction without taking her eyes off Michael, “is the model Forrest sent. I was just finding out who this is.”

“Sébastien Martinez,” the man introduced himself, pushing his hand out to Michael and then Alex for brief handshakes. Michael noted that his hands were almost kitten fur soft. “This is my stepsister, Bianca. We’re hosting the Santa Fe Young Arts Cooperative tonight. Come on in and we’ll get you guys sorted out. You must be freezing.”

“Thanks,” Michael and Alex both mumbled with thin smiles. It wasn’t raining in Santa Fe like it had been in Albuquerque, but it was still windy and cold out.

“Come on, B. Let’s let them inside,” Sébastien said as he pulled Bianca away from the threshold with a gentle pull to her bird-thin arm. She bit her lip as she stared Michael up and down once more before letting herself be pulled back into the room. Alex motioned for Michael to enter before him with an amused smile on his lips. Michael did so a bit grimly, a little put off by the interest of Sébastien and Bianca on him.

“What are your names? Forgive my rudeness, the cold was getting into the house,” Sébastien asked as he slid past Michael to shut the door. He somehow managed to do it while also rubbing half his body against Michael’s side, almost like a possessive cat marking his territory. Michael frowned at the cloud of cologne that clung to him even after Sébastien had retreated back to Bianca’s side and he gave Alex a side eye, trying to see if this was as weird as he thought it was. Alex was starting to look like he was enjoying Michael’s obvious discomfort.

“I’m Alex,” Alex said, momentarily drawing their hosts' attention. “I’m the model. This is Michael.”

“Are you a model too, Michael?” Sébastien asked, not quite disguising the lust in his voice. Michael cleared his throat to try and hide his discomfort before answering.

“Uh no, I’m the chauffeur,” he said, finally.

“Are you his boyfriend?” Bianca asked, finally looking at Alex fully for a moment before turning his questioning gaze back to Michael.

“No,” he answered at the same time Alex quickly said “Yes!”

Michael turned to him in confused shock. Alex was blushing a little at his outburst and Michael wondered where that had come from. Where had this role reversal come from?

“You two seem to be in some disagreement about it,” Bianca commented with a wicked smile.

“Now, B, let’s not tease them. Come on, Alex, I’ll show you where you’ll be posing and where you can get undressed. Bianca, you want to show Michael where we’re holding the exhibition?” Sébastien suggested.

“Sure, I’ll give him the grand tour,” she mumbled, waving her hand in obvious dismissal of Alex and Sébastien while sidling up to press against Michael’s side. Michael watched Alex following Sébastien down a side hallway and gave him a ‘help me’ stare that Alex only grinned at.

“So, Michael, why don’t you follow me and I’ll show you around…” Michael felt her soft, bony hand slip into his and felt his insides shrink at her shark’s smile. He didn’t even have a chance to nod before she was pulling him up the grand staircase.

Five bedrooms, seven bathrooms, a game room, an indoor pool, and one very well-stocked wine closet later, Michael was sure he would have finger bruises all over him and had barely managed to find all the buttons from his shirt on the tiled floor of bathroom number five. Bianca was tenacious and every time he hinted that he’d like to see the actual party, she’d simper that they’d get to it soon and showed him into another dimly lit room where she’d press herself against him and try to make out with him. In another life he would’ve been flattered at her attention (well, in the first bedroom he would have been flattered. The fact that she wasn’t taking ‘no’ for an answer was actually very irritating), but he wanted to check on Alex and make sure he wasn’t getting the same treatment from Sébastien or some other guest. As she led him towards yet another corridor, he saw the stairs and took them quickly while she was talking and walking ahead of him.

He found himself back in the foyer and followed the hallway Alex and Sébastien had retreated down. It led to a library where there were several very well-dressed young bohemian types standing around smoking and drinking. One end of the large room had people looking over easels and pedestals with artwork on them. The other end of the room held a small semi-circle of easels set up with drawing pads and charcoals not unlike the set up in the art room at school. In the middle of the semi-circle, a dark-stained chaise lounge with red velvet fabric was artfully draped in sheets and backed by tall, thin-leaved potted plants. A lit fireplace was a few feet further back from it casting a warm glow on Alex, who was draped along the chaise on his back, one leg hanging off the side to rest on the floor, the other bent and splayed slightly open. He was semi-reclined against some pillows and his head was turned like he was trying to see around the arm rest. One arm was above his head, hand hidden under his dark hair, while the other rested almost invitingly on his thigh. Michael’s mouth went a little dry at the obvious sexual nature of the pose and didn’t doubt for a moment that Sébastien had arranged Alex himself to get him to look like that. Alex stared at the air in front of his face, seemingly bored, but Michael could tell he was feeling slightly tense about the situation. As it was, three or four people were set up at various stations sketching while friends stood over their shoulders whispering and looking at Alex with hungry, covetous gazes. Michael made a note to keep an eye out for trouble but since no one was taking it further than whispers, he continued wandering around downstairs.

A side door led him to a large solarium where large rolls of canvas were hung against walls and mostly nude strangers were painting each other with brushes and fingers before pressing their forms against the canvases. Blacklights lined the room and the paint glowed on the participants’ bodies before getting half transferred to the canvases or each other.

“Wanna try?” Bianca’s rich voice asked from behind his right ear. Michael jumped and looked over his shoulder at her. She was smiling like he’d led her on a merry chase and she’d caught him again. Her hand smoothed up his back as she started to press herself to his side.

“Maybe later. Is there anything to drink?” he stammered, looking around for a punch table or something. She made his skin crawl. Her beauty wasn’t excusing her overly familiar hands and obvious pleasure at his discomfort.

“Sure, what’s your pleasure? I’ll go make you something,” she purred, smoothing her hand down his chest.

“I’ll come with you. My drink order is kind of complicated and I’d like to get something for Alex,” he hedged. He wouldn’t trust her near an open container if Jesus were guarding it.

“Your not-boyfriend,” she stated, looking amused.

“My maybe-boyfriend. We’re in negotiations,” he answered before stepping away from her and motioning for her to lead the way to the drink area. Apparently, it was only one more room over in a dining room that was also full of food. The table was laid out in a multi-tiered buffet of mostly untouched appetizers. The guests lining the walls mostly held wine glasses or tumblers of brown and clear liquids. Bianca led Michael over to a sideboard covered in decanters and mixers.

“Any bottled water? I’m driving,” he asked, smiling sweetly at her. She looked over the table before pursing her lips.

“I’ll go get you a bottle. Don’t go running off while I’m away  _ cause I’ll find you _ ,” she said in a slightly threatening sing-song way. Michael gave her a tight smile and watched her leave before fixing himself a quick shot of something that smelled like whiskey. He also grabbed a (real porcelain, gold-rimmed) plate and walked around the table of food. There were different types of sushi, gyoza, dumplings, finger sandwiches, cookies, brownies, and other nibbles. Michael grabbed a couple brownies, some sushi pieces, and a couple finger sandwiches and loaded up his plate. He had no clue what Alex would want so he grabbed a little of everything. By the time he’d filled his plate, Bianca was sauntering back into the room with a bottle of water in her outstretched hand. Michael took it gingerly, eyeing the seal before thanking her and putting it into his back pocket. She watched him thoughtfully as he did so.

“Thank you,” he said, not forgetting his manners. She smiled and grabbed one of the brownies off his plate, holding it in front of his mouth expectantly.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t make these. I don’t bake. One of our members, Charles, makes these. He goes all the way to Colorado for his spices,” she said, giving him a significant smile. Michael furrowed his brow at her and obligingly took a bite of the brownie. It was a little bitter for his taste, but he made an impressed humming noise before taking the brownie from her hand, so she’d stop hand feeding it to him.

“Well, I’m going to go check on Alex,” he said, a little awkwardly. She just kept smiling at him like she knew something he didn’t but let him leave her in the dining room. He felt a spot between his shoulder blades go tight as he walked away from her, sure she was still watching him and smiling.

“Enjoy the brownies, Michael. I’ll see you later,” she called after him, prompting him to turn. With a little wave she smirked once more before turning and walking off. Michael frowned at her retreating form and moved back into the library where luckily Alex was taking a break. Someone had given him a drink of something clear with bubbles.

“Hey, how’s it going?” Michael asked as he sat next to Alex on the chaise. Alex had grabbed one of the sheets and draped it modestly over his lap. “What’re you drinking?”

“Vodka and sprite. This for me?” Alex asked, motioning to the plate and immediately picking up the half-eaten brownie and taking a bite from it. 

“It’s for us to share!” Michael squawked and pulled the plate closer to his middle.

“Mm. This is really good. I love dark chocolate,” Alex moaned around the bite of brownie.

“Of course, your emo ass would love something dark and bitter,” Michael grumped as he picked out a piece of sushi to eat.

“Like my heart,” Alex teased, bumping Michael with his shoulder before tilting his head and looking up at Michael through his eyelashes. Michael snickered and grabbed Alex’s drink from him to take a sip. It wasn’t super strong, but he could tell there was vodka in it. Alex finished off the brownie and grabbed one of the sandwiches.

“So I’ve got like another hour? Hour and a half? And then we can go,” Alex said around a bite of cucumber and cream cheese sandwich. There was a dot of cream cheese at the corner of his mouth that Michael reached out and swiped off before he could think about how Alex would perceive it. The blush that Alex gave him was almost worth the thoughtless action.

“We’re ready to start again, are you Alex?” Sébastien asked, swooping in with his hand splayed possessively over Alex’s back and head leaned close to his ear. Michael felt his face turn into a glower at the over-familiarity of the move, but Alex just smiled and nodded before turning back to Michael. What was it with this family and their handsy approach to strangers?

“Back to work. I’ll see you in a little bit?” Alex asked, taking another quick bite of the sandwich before wiping his hands on the sheet at his waist. Michael stood and let him rearrange himself.

“Yeah, in a bit,” he mumbled, backing off as Sébastien started manhandling Alex into a new, even more suggestive position across the chaise. He arranged Alex on his back, the middle of his back resting across the humped legrest making it look like Alex was arching his back, one arm resting on his chest while the other rested “innocently” between his bent knees, Alex’s head looking straight up at the ceiling. Michael knew where his own mind went as he saw the finalized pose and he knew no one else was fooled that this was simply for fine art either. Sébastien stood back, smiling knowingly at one of the other men as his eyes raked over Alex’s naked body. Michael never wanted to hit someone as much as he wanted to hit Sébastien.

He decided to wander around so he wouldn’t be tempted to go protect Alex’s virtue. He was capable of saying ‘no’ and telling Sébastien to leave him alone so Michael wandered. He moved room to room looking at the art and the small sculptures that were on display. He ducked Bianca as best he could and ended up holding up a wall near the buffet table watching everyone become more and more inebriated as the night wore on. He kept himself away from the liquor. After about an hour he started feeling really warm, his skin tingling slightly, and he started feeling more relaxed about the party. He made his way back into the library to see Alex putting his jeans on. He moved in to stand next to him by the chaise, watching Alex as he picked up his shirt.

“Wait, you’re done?” Michael asked, stilling Alex’s hand with his. Alex’s skin felt really nice against his. He found himself rubbing his thumb over Alex’s wrist while he tried to focus on what Alex was saying.

“Yeah, I’m done,” Alex replied a little breathlessly, staring down at Michael’s hand. “God, that feels so good for some reason. My body just feels like… good. Kind of like a pleasant buzzing under my skin. I’d say I was drunk but like, I feel clear headed, just really, really good, ya know? I feel really relaxed.” As Alex spoke, Michael thought about Bianca's knowing smile and comments about Colorado. He looked up into Alex’s eyes and even in the relatively low lighting of the room, his eyes pupils were way too dilated to be normal.

“Damnit,” Michael cursed under his breath as Alex leaned over and laid his head on his shoulder.

“What’s up?” he asked, even as he rubbed the side of his face against Michael’s shirt.

“Pretty sure the brownies had weed in them. We’re both super high right now,” Michael said, rubbing his fingers together and beginning to notice all the extra sounds he was picking up throughout the house.

“Oh,” Alex said flatly. “Shit, you’re right.”

“I’m so sorry, Alex, I didn’t know. Bianca was being weird about them, but I didn’t think she’d fucking drug me without telling me. Shit, these people,” Michael swore again. He felt his anxiety starting to creep up on him, the intense buzzing under his skin making him paranoid. He fidgeted, head swiveling as he looked for Bianca or Sébastien so he could give them a piece of his mind.

“Shhh,” Alex shushed, picking his head up and softly combing his fingers through Michael’s curls. “The best thing to do is relax into it. It can’t hurt you and you can’t do anything about it until it works its way out of your system.”

Michael took a couple deep breaths, trying to slow down his brain and take Alex’s advice. He knew what he was saying was true, but usually if he got high he was a willing participant in it and had mentally prepared himself. The saving grace was that his body usually burned through intoxicants more quickly than a regular human.

"Where’d you learn all this?” Michael murmured, closing his eyes and enjoying the feel of Alex’s hands on him. Unlike Bianca’s or Sébastien’s hands, Alex’s weren’t baby smooth. He had calluses on his fingers and he was altogether more human feeling than those rich, entitled pricks. 

“Now what were you going to say earlier? You stopped me a second ago and looked like you had something on your mind?” Alex asked, scooting closer to Michael so their thighs pressed together on the chaise. He kept running his fingers through Michael’s hair and it was kind of melting his brain.

“There’s… black light body paint in the, um, other room, and I was going to suggest we go do that, but I think I could stay here for the next hour if you’d rather…” Michael trailed off, groaning softly when Alex’s fingers settled and began to scratch his scalp.

“Oooo, let’s go do that, please. I’m tired of lounging,” Alex said, standing up abruptly and moving his hand out of Michael’s hair. Michael sighed longingly but stood as well and led Alex through to the solarium. Only three other people were in the room at one of the stations, so Michael took Alex to the station furthest away from them. Michael stripped off his shirt and tied it around his waist. He felt strangely exposed with just his shirt off in front of Alex like this. Maybe it was having other people in the room with them. Maybe it was the drugs in his system and how he felt every shift in air current, but he almost felt shy at the thought of Alex looking at him and figuring out how to change him for the better.

Pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind, Michael looked over at the tray with the paints. There was blue, purple, pink, and yellow paint all fluorescing in different pots and an almost blank canvas in front of them. Without speaking, Alex dipped two of his fingers into the pink paint pot and brought it out to draw a line down the center of Michael’s chest. Michael’s eyes followed their trail, body shivering at the cold feeling of the paint and the pleasant pressure of Alex’s fingers. He dipped his fingers again and drew another long line tracing under Michael’s clavicle.

“The unfortunate side effect of this is honestly, it’s just making me want to kiss you,” Michael said, watching Alex dip his fingers in the blue paint next. Alex grinned at him and stepped closer, capturing his lips without a thought, his paint tipped fingers falling to Michael’s chest and leaving a smear over his pec and nipple. The kiss felt so much better than it should. It felt like falling into warm velvet, zings of electricity crackling between their lips as they slid over and over one another. Michael rested his hands on Alex’s warm, naked waist and wished he’d had the patience to put paint on Alex too.

“Ooo I’ve never seen anyone kiss with static electricity before,” Bianca’s voice broke through Michael’s haze. He jerked back, realizing what must have been happening and shocked. He’d never been able to do stuff with electricity before, that was Max’s gift. He knew they had elements of each other’s powers, but he’d only been able to barely tap the edge of telepathy once with Isobel. He’d never been able to tap into the electricity. Cold dread ran through him as he thought about what else could’ve happened if he’d kept making out with Alex while on a body high in front of strangers.

“Do you have my money? Michael and I are going to leave soon. We’ve got to drive back to Albuquerque tonight,” Alex asked, voice chilly as he addressed Bianca. Bianca looked a little shocked and her eyes darted over to Michael’s.

“Do you think you should be driving right now?” she asked, mildly concerned.

“I’m fine, thanks. We really need to be heading out,” he said, knowing that she was right and he absolutely should not be driving, but not willing to show weakness in front of her. She’d already proven she was a predator.

“Sure, I’ll go get it. But stay as long as you want, okay? No rush,” she said, before stalking off.

“Sorry,” Alex apologized when she was out of ear shot. He sounded angry. “I just… fuck her. Fuck this party. Fuck Forrest for suggesting it.”

“Wow, tell me how you feel,” Michael said, laughing lightly, feeling a small thrill at hearing Alex getting defensive.

“This is just so fucking stupid. We finally get out in public together outside of school and we end up getting dosed with something at a party. Fuck this shit,” Alex seethed. Michael chuckled and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him in for a hug. He felt Alex’s arms wrap around his body, somewhat tentatively, as if it’d been a long time since he’d performed this particular activity and he was remembering how. Michael kept holding on until he felt Alex settle into the circle of his arms. Then he turned his head and buried his nose in Alex’s hair, breathing in deeply the scent of his shampoo and skin. He kissed his scalp and then dropped his chin onto Alex’s shoulder.

“What is this for?” Alex asked, his voice curious and quiet as if he couldn’t fathom why Michael would be touching him in this way.

“You’re just amazing. This is for you being you, which is amazing,” Michael replied, tightening his arms in a final squeeze before pushing back. Alex looked at him with an odd mix of confusion and affection.

“Okay, well… you, too,” Alex started before Michael waved it away.

“You don’t have to reciprocate the compliment. I know you think I’m irresistible,” Michael joked. Alex nodded, still smiling softly, before looking down at where the semi-wet paint had smeared from Michael’s chest to Alex’s. He started giggling as he looked at it. Michael caught it and started laughing too. Bianca chose that time to return, envelope in hand that she handed over to Alex without comment. Alex stuffed it in his bag, still chuckling to himself.

“Something funny?” she asked, looking between the two of them.

“Not really. Thanks for having us, we’re going to go now,” Alex said, grabbing Michael’s hand and dragging him towards the front of the house, leaving Bianca standing in the solarium looking affronted at his rudeness.

When they hit the foyer, they both threw on the clothing they lacked and then went outside. The temperature had dropped, and the air felt like it had teeth. They hurried to the truck where Michael immediately turned over the engine and revved it a couple times in hopes of hastening the heater.

“I really don’t think I need to be driving right now. I’m still really, really high,” Michael admitted as Alex scooted across the bench seat to press against his side.

“I completely understand. I just couldn’t stand to be in that house for another second. Those people are criminals and pretentious jerks. Ugh!” Alex exclaimed, throwing his hands out like he was throwing off water from his hands.

“How much did you end up making?” Michael asked, body starting to tremble as the truck heated up slowly.

“Lemme look,” Alex said, reaching into his bag and pulling out the envelope. It had two hundred dollars stuffed into it. “Whoooa. Way more than I was supposed to. Holy shit. Guess this is what non-consensual groping and drug use get you. Jeez.”

“Fuck, that’s awesome!” Michael exclaimed; happy the night hadn’t been a total let down.

“Let’s get a hotel room,” Alex said, turning and looking Michael in the eye. He seemed excited and hopeful.

“But what about your financial situation? I can’t afford a hotel room. I’ve got some money saved, but we’re getting to the end of the semester. I’ve got to be careful with it until winter break when I go back to ranching for a while,” Michael said worriedly.

“I only planned on making  _ maybe _ a hundred tonight. We won’t be able to stay at the Hilton, but we should be able to get something decent to let the drugs get out of our system where we won’t be killing the environment or ourselves to stay warm.” Alex watched Michael intently for his reaction. Being warm sounded nice. Being warm, in a bed, pressed against Alex sounded even better.

“Okay. Search on your phone and find somewhere we can afford and then I’ll get us there,” Michael agreed. Alex fist pumped and opened the maps app on his phone. While Alex searched around, Michael thought about their issues over labels and commitment. Alex had seemed perfectly happy to claim him in front of Bianca and Sébastien. Michael wondered if he was softening towards the idea of them dating, of Michael and of what he had to offer.

“Alright, so there’s a La Quinta five miles from here that’s only $75 a night for a king size bed. Sound okay?” Alex asked, breaking into Michael’s ruminations.

“Yeah, sounds great. Buckle in and tell me where to go,” Michael agreed easily, grabbing his own seat belt and buckling it. Alex surprised him by pulling his face over and kissing him thoroughly. Michael sat back a little dazed when he pulled away.

“I think you’re amazing, too, ya know?” Alex said before pushing forward and giving Michael another smaller, quicker kiss that felt like punctuation. He pulled back to his side of the cab and started to grab for the seat belt before saying, “Now you’re going to go to the end of this block and turn right.”

“Bossy,” Michael muttered loud enough for Alex to hear. He was rewarded with Alex giving him the middle finger while he stared down at his illuminated phone screen, presumably figuring out the next set of instructions for Michael to follow once they were on their way. Michael snickered to himself and pulled out onto the road. He let Alex instruct him as he made his way through the unfamiliar city until they found the brightly lit La Quinta. Michael hadn’t ever stayed overnight in a hotel before. He’d been in them for parties and the like, but he’d never stayed at one. It was a new experience for him. He wondered if it was a new experience for Alex as well, but one look at his calm demeanor and he doubted it. Maybe he’d stayed in loads of hotels as a kid with his dad in the military. He let Alex take the lead as they checked in, only shouldering over when charm was needed to grease the wheels. 

Twenty minutes later, Michael and Alex stumbled into the hotel room around midnight. It had taken all of Michael’s considerable charm and his debit card to secure a room for the night since they were both so young. In the end, Michael had prevailed upon the older woman’s sympathy for a handsome young man and his younger brother (though who in their right mind would think he and Alex were related was beyond him) who were just trying to be responsible and not drive home to Albuquerque with a few drinks in their system. He was trying to be a role model, after all. She’d given with a soft smile, but firm reminders that they would be responsible for any and all damages if they acted a fool and trashed the room. Michael had promised they wouldn’t and they hightailed it to the elevator before she could change her mind.

The room was a single with one king-sized bed. They were on the fourth floor and they had a large window that overlooked the closed outdoor pool. Michael groaned and face planted onto the bed as soon as the heavy door shut behind them, enjoying the warmth of the room and the fact that he didn’t have to try and drive. His body was still mildly buzzing and he kept getting distracted by noises and textures.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Alex said from near the bathroom doorway. Michael rolled over and propped himself up on his elbows. Alex was looking at him fondly and maybe it was the brownie, but Michael was feeling a little daring.

“A shower would feel amazing right now. Want some company?” he asked, sure his intentions were written all over his face.

“To save water?” Alex asked sarcastically, raising an eyebrow at Michael in challenge. Michael pushed himself off of the bed and stepped into Alex’s space, his hand coming up to cup the side of his face as he stared into his fathomless brown eyes.

“Because I want to,” Michael answered seriously. Alex’s eyes widened and he swallowed. Michael wondered if he’d calculated wrong, but then Alex nodded and pushed forward to kiss Michael. His lips were still slightly cold from the outside, but they felt good as they pressed lightly against Michael’s. When Alex pulled back a moment later, Michael felt slightly dazed from how good a simple kiss felt when his body was feeling like it was. His limbs felt heavy, but alive with sensation.

“I’ll go start the water,” Alex said finally, taking a step back. He turned and went into the bathroom, leaving Michael standing in the short hall of the hotel room still processing. Michael thought about the small bottle of lube and the condom he’d grabbed out of his glove compartment before going into the hotel and felt heat searing behind his belly button. The sound of the water starting up in the bathroom made his breath catch. He walked over to one of the bedside tables and emptied his pockets into its drawer before quickly shedding his clothes, excitement making his heart pound in his chest and his movements jerky. Even with his haste, by the time he got into the bathroom the room was hazy with steam and it took a moment to get used to breathing the warm, humid air. He stood by the bathtub outside of the white, opaque shower curtain and breathed for a moment, trying to get himself under control before he pushed past the plastic sheeting and saw Alex again. When he closed his eyes, he just felt the edges of his feelings pushing at the invisible seams of his skin.

“You coming in or are you just going to stand out there and enjoy the steam?” Alex’s teasing voice drifted to him from around the curtain. With a final fortifying breath, Michael pushed aside the curtain and climbed into the shower.

Once he had the curtain closed again, Michael turned and saw Alex leaning against the wall, skin and hair soaked already, looking amused and cocky. He couldn’t help it, he had to touch him. His intentions to tease and play it cool were washed away with the hot water and instead he found himself crowding against Alex under the spray, hands holding fast to his shoulders as he kissed him desperately. Alex immediately responded, hands sliding over Michael’s slick skin, mouth and body opening to his attentions, and mirroring his fervor. It was… a lot. And it was euphoric. Michael let his hands roam and explore Alex’s body, gripping his hips, dipping down his spine and between his cheeks, cupping the back of his neck. Anywhere Michael could reach, he touched. He was overwhelmed at how good Alex felt to him, how different and the same, and he couldn’t get enough of it. The water on Alex’s skin was honey and ambrosia to his tongue.

Alex maneuvered him to switch their positions, getting his head under the spray of the water, his hands gently coaxing Michael’s head to move and tilt to fully wet his curls. Michael whined when Alex’s mouth moved away from him, bereft at the loss until those talented hands started massaging his scalp and raking through his hair under the water.

“I want to wash your hair. Can I?” Alex asked, mouth pressed to the skin of Michael’s throat, right under his chin, lips pulling gently at the stubble he hadn’t shaved off in the past two days.

“Anything,” Michael gasped out as he felt Alex’s body press fully against his, nipples to knees, his mouth moving to his shoulder and then they were moving like they were dancing, Alex leading him back out of the water’s spray with just the guiding pressure of his body, Michael helpless but to follow his lead.

“Get on your knees for me,” Alex commanded, though he didn’t pull away from Michael’s body and for a moment Michael wondered if he’d be able to manage it pressed together the way they were. He started to move down, his hand behind him to feel for the tub’s wall to steady himself, Alex’s hand still cupping the back of his head in an oddly comforting way. When his knees hit the hard plastic bottom of the tub, he looked up Alex’s body and felt a shock run through him at the heavy, serious look he’d leveled at him. Michael couldn’t keep his gaze for longer than a moment, finding too much passing between them unsaid for him to keep his cool, so he lowered his eyes and pressed his forehead to Alex’s stomach trying to control his breath and waiting for Alex’s next move.

Alex moved around above him and he heard the pop of a cap seconds before the frankly pornographic sounds of Alex rubbing his hands together to build the shampoo up into a lather before he plunged his hands back into Michael’s wet hair. The feeling of someone else washing his hair was… unlike anything Michael had ever felt. He’d been to salons infrequently in his youth and had occasionally felt one of the technicians wash his hair before a cut, but it was nothing like what Alex was doing. His hands weren’t stiff and efficient. They weren’t trying to get through the process so they could move on to the next part. His fingers were firm as they moved in small circles around his skull, massaging him as much as working the shampoo into his hair, and he took his time. Michael closed his eyes and could’ve fallen asleep to the almost meditative way Alex worked his hands through Michael’s hair one section at a time, fingers combing through the snags and snarls gently.

“Okay, tilt back for me and we’ll rinse this out,” Alex’s calm voice said from above him. He felt Alex’s hand cup his neck and help balance him as he leaned back, hands finding his heels as his body drew a tight arch. Alex’s hands worked through his hair again, this time working more quickly to save Michael’s body from the awkward position, sluicing water and suds from his locks while Michael kept his eyes closed and tried to hold the position. He’d seen Alex hold this position for five minutes without a tremor running through his muscles and suddenly appreciated the amount of muscle control he must have as Michael’s own muscles started to protest.

“Okay, you can come back up.” Alex helped direct Michael’s body back up to a standing position, again pressing their bodies so close that their bellies slid against each other with every inhale and exhale.

“You’re so beautiful, Michael,” Alex murmured, his hands still sliding through Michael’s hair. Michael opened his eyes and gave Alex a disbelieving look.

“No, you are. Can I take your picture? Try to show you what I see?” Alex asked a little breathlessly.

“I didn’t know you did photography,” Michael answered to buy himself time to answer, unsure how he felt about Alex scrutinizing him in that way. He saw the hypocrisy since he’d been staring at Alex that way for a solid month. 

“It’s a hobby. I run a blog online. I wouldn’t post anything unless you told me I could. The pictures could just be for you and me, but I’d love the chance to see if I could change your mind about how breathtaking you are,” Alex punctuated his sentence with a teasing kiss, lips and tongue begging Michael to follow his. Michael was helpless against him.

“Yeah, okay. When do you…?” he trailed off, momentarily distracted by Alex once again moving them so he could reach the faucet knob and turn the water off. He watched the water dripping from Alex’s hair onto his shoulders and then further down until it pooled between their skin and then fell to the side, continuing it’s journey to the drain.

“Let’s do it now. I’ve got my camera in my bag,” Alex offered, excitement starting to make his voice breathy. Michael looked into his eyes again, this time not overwhelmed by what he saw, but transfixed. Alex looked… alive. He looked happy in a way that Michael had never seen and he found that he couldn’t say no to that. He wanted to keep that light behind his eyes shining, and would do anything to keep that look of excited anticipation on Alex’s face for as long as he could.

“Yeah, yeah. Okay, now,” Michael agreed, hand coming up to trace his thumb over Alex’s cheekbone. Alex’s hands clutched at his waist before sliding up to his ribs, holding him more tightly before pushing gently away.

“Stay here,” Alex requested, turning and pushing the shower curtain open before stepping out and leaving Michael naked and dripping water in the tub. He met his own reflection in the mirror and saw the uncertainty he felt about what he’d agreed to. He also saw the flush in his skin and every imperfect hair on his body and wondered what Alex could possibly see that was beautiful. Michael’s body was functional, lean muscled, and ultimately ordinary to him. Other people seemed to enjoy what it could do for them, but he’d never heard anyone tell him he was… beautiful.

Alex returned wearing his underwear and toting a small, red digital camera in his hand. Michael grinned at the little thing and Alex caught his look and shrugged.

“I could afford it and it does a pretty good job. Especially once I upload the images and manipulate them a little on photoshop,” Alex explained as he advanced on Michael. He raised the camera in front of him and Michael felt himself stiffening instinctively, wanting to cover himself and turn away. Alex brought the camera back down and looked at him contemplatively. He grabbed a towel and handed it to him before backing up and jumping onto the counter to sit.

“We’ll take some test shots to help you get used to the camera. I forget what it’s like to be on that side of things, I’m so used to people staring at me,” Alex explained apologetically. He still held the camera in front of him, but it was at his chest and not in front of his face. Michael smiled tightly.

“Just close your eyes for me and take a couple slow, deep breaths,” Alex instructed easily. Michael eyed the camera for a moment, but felt that ultimately the worst thing that could happen would be that nothing turned out well and he’d learn he wasn’t photogenic. So he listened to Alex’s instructions, leaning his shoulders against the cooling shower wall, closed his eyes, and took a couple deep breaths.

“Slow your breathing down for me. In for six, out for six.” Michael did as he was instructed, feeling shoulders relax away from his ears and his arms lower even though he kept the grip on the towel Alex had handed him. He let his mind wander to how good it would feel to slip in between the sheets in a little while with Alex pressed against him. He wanted to sleep wrapped around him and wake in the morning to kisses and sex and horrible hotel coffee. He wanted to earn another shower before they left the hotel for the drive back to Albuquerque.

“Excellent,” he heard Alex say. The praise washed over him and sunk into his skin. He heard him hopping down from the counter and then felt his hand on his neck, cupping his jaw, moving his head into a different position before withdrawing. He was left alone but he could feel the warmth of Alex near him, see his shadow moving from behind his closed eyelids.

“Wonderful. Dry off and we’ll go into the other room,” Alex was saying a moment later. Michael opened his eyes and blinked at the brightness of the bathroom, focusing on Alex’s face and noting that he looked relaxed as he held his hand out to help Michael step out of the tub. Michael didn’t need it, but he took it anyway. Alex slipped the towel from his hands and started mopping up any water still left on his skin. He was standing so close that he and Michael were practically eye to eye when he was finished. Michael heard the towel drop to the floor and then Alex was kissing him slowly and methodically, his mouth moving against Michael’s while his hands caressed the newly dry skin of his hips and back. Michael let him, let him touch him and kiss him and pour himself into him, while he stood there taking everything Alex had to give, fingers barely grazing over Alex’s forearms.

“You’re amazing,” Alex breathed when he finally took a break from Michael’s lips. Michael felt himself start to object, but Alex kissed him again until he quit trying to speak. “Let’s go to the bedroom.”

Alex grabbed Michael’s hand, lacing their fingers together, and led him back into the bedroom. He’d turned down the blanket and left the top sheet and pillows in place. Michael looked at the bed with longing. Alex put his camera down on the bedside table and pulled the top sheet down with his free hand before turning back to Michael. Michael looked at him curiously as he seemed to be gathering himself to say something.

“I want you to fuck me,” Alex finally said, the words rushed but clear. “And I want to be able to take photos if I want to while it’s happening. Is that okay?”

Michael looked at the bed, then the camera, and then back at Alex’s nervous, expectant face. He wasn’t sure what to say. He thought about the lube and the condom he had in the opposite bedside table’s drawer. He’d hoped for something like this, but the idea of the camera being a part of it made the tension come back into his shoulders. Alex seemed to pick up on his hesitation.

“We don’t have to use the camera. It wouldn’t be the whole time or maybe not any of the time. I just would like your permission if I see something… and I wouldn’t do anything with the photos unless you approved of them,” Alex added the last as if Michael didn’t trust him. Michael took another deep, grounding breath and nodded slowly. Alex’s own breath whooshed out of him, his entire body seeming to shrink with his release before he straightened back up.

“Maybe I can make you forget all about the camera,” Michael teased, stepping closer and pushing his hands under the waistband of his underwear, pushing the fabric down until it pooled at Alex’s feet. “Not even sure why you bothered to put these on.”

“I didn’t want you to feel pressured,” Alex replied simply, letting Michael turn their bodies and push him down on the mattress. He scooted his body back until he could lie down fully and Michael took in the sight. He’d had Alex on his back once before and it had been gorgeous then too, but he’d been drunk and desperate to cum. This time, he took his time memorizing it because Alex laid out before him, flushed with arousal and on display only for him, was completely different from model Alex whose body was public domain. Michael crawled onto the bed next to him and pulled Alex onto his side to face him. He pushed their bodies together, hitching one of Alex’s legs over his hip as he slid his inbetween. He leaned his head in and kissed Alex slowly, thoughtfully, drawing him out to respond to Michael’s cues. He was in no rush to get to the finish line. No one was waiting on them outside the door, no one would notice if they kept the lights on all night, no one would be bothering them at all. It was just him and Alex in this hotel room, one lamp illuminating their skin in a warm, yellow glow.

Suddenly, Michael wanted to talk. He wanted to kiss and wanted to feel, but he also needed to talk. He pulled back from Alex’s lips, but stayed close enough that their noses still brushed as he spoke.

“So, why are you so afraid of relationships? Is it me or is it the whole arrangement?” Michael asked quietly. He felt Alex’s shaky exhale against his lips and then felt him draw away.

“Is this really the time?” Alex asked, his voice half teasing, half exasperation.

“Maybe we can work on a reward system? You answer a question, I’ll give you something you want?” Michael asked, hips pressing forward meaningfully against Alex’s. Alex seemed to think about it and Michael’s hands moved down Alex’s back to cup his backside, this time pushing him forward when Michael did and grinding them together, their cocks slipping against each other between their bellies, and making Alex gasp.

“You’re not playing fair,” Alex complained, though he kept moving his hips in small circles, letting his cock slip in the tight space between their bodies. Michael trailed his lips over Alex’s jaw, his hands flexing against Alex’s muscles, fingers digging in, as he nipped gently at the thin skin between Alex’s jaw and ear.

“I never claimed to. Do we have a deal?” Michael asked in a husky voice.

“Fine,” Alex agreed, tilting his head to give Michael better access to his neck. “Good luck keeping your train of thought.”

Michael grinned against his skin before sitting up and reaching past Alex into the bedside drawer to grab the condom and lube. He threw the condom onto the table top, before uncapping the lube and squirting some in his hand. He wrapped his hand around his and Alex’s cocks, spreading the slippery liquid over both of them, and watching in satisfaction as Alex’s eyes fluttered and his mouth opened in a silent ‘oh’.

“Good luck keeping your secrets from me,” Michael retorted before kissing Alex hungrily. He carefully revved Alex up, keeping his grip on their cocks tight and his pace measured while they exchanged heated, biting kisses. He pulled back and slowed his hand to almost a crawl.

“So, why are you so afraid of relationships?” he asked again, somewhat breathless. Alex groaned and tried to kiss him again, but Michael turned his head, letting Alex kiss along his throat instead.

“Alex,” he said, lifting his hand from their cocks.

“This is so not a sexy story,” Alex complained, trying to reach down between them to take over. Michael grabbed his hand and rolled on top of him, easily snagging the other hand and holding them next to Alex’s head.

“That’s okay. I promise I can get you hard as many times as you need,” Michael replied, taking one of Alex’s nipples in his mouth and sucking hard. Alex writhed underneath him.

“Okay, okay,” Alex agreed, chest rising and falling faster as the suction of Michael’s mouth tugged at the sensitive flesh. Michael let go of Alex’s nipple and rested his chin on Alex’s breast bone, thumbs massaging Alex’s wrists where he still held them against the mattress.

“So when I was in high school I thought I loved this boy. He and I would fool around in this old tool shed behind my house. One day my dad caught us and literally broke the boy’s hand with a hammer. It was…” Alex’s body shuddered beneath Michael’s and he let go of Alex’s wrists so he could wrap his arms around Alex’s body. Alex seemed suddenly lost, unsure what to do with his hands now that they were free, and Michael unwrapped his arms from around Alex and directed them. He pushed one into his hair and curled the other in against his heart. Then he waited, giving Alex time to collect himself. Alex’s hand pushed into the warm, damp curls at the base of Michael’s skull and he relaxed slightly. “It was terrible, obviously.”

“It sounds terrible. I’m sorry,” Michael said, bringing Alex’s hand up to kiss his knuckles softly before laying them back on Alex’s chest and waiting for the rest. He knew there was more. There had to be.

“I have no clue what the guy told his parents. No clue why my dad isn’t in jail right now, but the guy never said anything. Just came to school with his hand in a cast a week later. I tried to talk to him and he told me I’d caused him enough trouble and to leave him alone. I wasn’t worth what it had cost him. I was just an experiment. You know, pretty much every terrible thing he possibly could say, he said. Then there was a guy in freshman year. He was older than I was and basically used me as a place to stay since he wasn’t living in the dorms and apparently had been kicked out of his apartment. That was… awesome. And then there was Forrest. Forrest… tried. He’s just the kind of guy who likes knowing someone is waiting for him, but he can’t commit to one person even when he’s got a sure thing. That was a tough pill to swallow. He basically just told me I wasn’t enough for him and I was expecting too much if I thought a gay guy would ever not cheat if given the chance. So… I just quit. Quit trying to date. It just hurt too much and I was tired of getting the shit knocked out of me,” Alex finished, his voice having gone from relatively normal to quiet as he spoke. He wasn’t looking at Michael. He didn’t seem to be looking at anything, caught in his mind and those past failed relationships.

“Good thing I’m bi,” Michael joked lamely, rolling off to the side of Alex to give him some room to breathe, but keeping his hand on his side, unconsciously petting him. 

“That just means there’s twice the opportunity for you to cheat on me,” Alex mumbled glumly.

“Or,” Michael started before cupping Alex’s chin in a silent request for him to meet his eyes. Alex’s eyes rose slowly, wary at what would come next. “Or it means I know what all my options are already and when I choose to be with someone, I know what I want. When I’m with you, I’m with  _ you _ . No one else exists as a sexual or romantic option.”

“Yeah, I’m… I think I’m starting to get that,” Alex replied, his eyes darting down to Michael’s lips before meeting his eyes again. Michael smiled and leant forward to kiss him again. Alex’s hand in his hair tightened, pulling at his curls and making his body writhe against his hold, stopping him from moving further forward. Alex rolled them until Michael was on his back and he was straddling him. He kissed Michael then and Michael thought his brain would melt it was so good. His cock, which had started to soften during Alex’s explanation about his past relationship history, rehardened so fast it was a wonder Michael didn’t pass out.

“So does this count as our first date?” Michael asked when Alex broke their kiss to suck in a breath.

“I don’t put out on the first date,” Alex teased, even as he moved his hips and his cock slipped against Michael’s where they were pressed together.

“Oh, good. Me either. But if you did, I wouldn’t think less of you.” Michael grabbed Alex’s hips, rocking their bodies together for more friction before he slipped his hands inward and down, fingers dipping between Alex’s already spread cheeks. Alex let out a groan and pushed his hips back in encouragement. Michael grabbed the lube and coated his fingers.

“Promise you’ll respect me in the morning?” Alex gasped out, his body sitting up as Michael pressed one of his fingers against his hole. Michael paused and looked up at him, trying to gauge if he was serious or not, and Alex looked down and leveled a grin at him. Michael pushed his finger past the ring of muscle, immediately pulling back out and pushing in again. Alex’s face morphed into one of pleasure, his tongue snaking out to smooth over his bottom lip before he captured it with his teeth. Michael reached up with his free hand and cupped the back of Alex’s neck, pulling him back down for a kiss.

“Don’t be a fucking brat about it,” he grumbled against Alex’s lips before pulling his finger out and returning with two. Alex gave a short hiss before pushing back towards the intrusion. Chuckling silently, Michael let his hand trail down Alex’s neck to his chest where he plucked at Alex’s nipple before pressing and making rough circles over the abused bud with his thumb. The broken moan that Alex let out made Michael feel a little crazy, made him want to do everything he could to hear that sound over and over. He changed the angle of his hand and Alex rewarded him with a different sound, higher and needier than the first. Grinning, he gave a few more thrusts in that position before finally adding the third finger.

“Jesus, are you trying to kill me?” Alex raised himself onto an arm so he could reach down and stroke himself. Michael let him, enjoying the way he fucked back between Michael’s fingers and his fist. Michael followed him up, getting an elbow underneath himself so his mouth could reach Alex’s throat and chest.

“Does it feel like I’m trying to kill you?” Michael asked as he bent his fingers inside Alex and rubbed teasingly over the bundle of nerves making him keen.

“Yessssss,” he answered, even as his hand sped up on his weeping cock. Michael took a moment to mourn that he hadn’t gotten Alex to this point on his back where Michael could take him into the back of his throat.

“You better slow down or you won’t get to come with my cock in you,” Michael warned, though his eyes stayed glued to Alex’s hand and watching the red, shiny head of his dick push through the tight grip of his fingers. Alex whined and took his hand away, settling it back on the mattress. “Think you’re ready for me?”

Alex nodded, eyes screwed shut as he brought himself back from the edge. Michael removed his fingers.

“Can you put the condom on me? My hands are covered in lube,” Michael whispered between peppered kisses to Alex’s jaw. Alex opened his eyes and looked down at him, eyes unsure for a moment. “Everything okay?”

“I…I’ve only bottomed once. And it was kind of terrible. Go easy on me?” Michael stared at him for a moment, shocked and overwhelmed at Alex’s admission. His brain started going back through everything they’d done so far and wondered if he’d been careful enough, if he had enough lube to make it comfortable for someone who wasn’t used to bottoming, how slow he should go, what the best position for Alex would be so he’d enjoy it…. Michael felt Alex’s hand on his cheek and he jerked his attention back up.

“You’re spiraling. I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do and if I don’t like it, I’ll tell you,” Alex said patiently before bending down to press his lips to Michael’s gently. “I have never been with someone as concerned with my pleasure as well as their own besides you. I trust you.”

Michael’s heart suddenly felt too big for his chest, pushing out against every rib, and painfully tight. He didn’t know how to respond to a statement like that in words, so he pressed up and tried to kiss the truth into Alex’s body. He was so busy he didn’t realize Alex was multitasking until he pulled back to look between them, where Alex’s deft fingers were rolling the condom down over him.

“How do you want to…?” Michael asked, trailing off awkwardly. He looked between them and thought out the logistics. Alex just grinned and waited as he watched Michael’s brain work.

“How about…how would you feel about laying on your side?” Michael finally asked, a little shyly.

“On my side?” Alex asked, looking a little surprised.

“Yeah, I think… I think that might be like… the position with the least amount of pressure. If we need to pause, no one's muscles are going to give out waiting, and we’ll both have pretty good access to each other’s bodies and—”

“I can see why you’re an engineering major. Also, you’ve convinced me,” Alex interrupted, sliding off Michael's body and laying on the bed on his side. Michael turned and immediately pushed himself along Alex’s back, hand snaking down his hip and stomach to grip his hard-on while Alex leaned back into his enough they could kiss.

“Mmm, yes. This will work,” Alex murmured, lips curling into a smile against Michael’s. Michael felt his mouth open to answer and had to restrain himself. He wanted to tell Alex that he loved him, wanted to let it tumble effortlessly from his lips onto Alex’s skin, but he knew without a doubt it would not be welcome between them. Not yet. Maybe not for a long while. But Michael already could tell he meant it. He loved this guy and he wanted him to feel it, even if Michael couldn’t say it yet. So he kissed Alex like he couldn’t live without him while he slowly positioned his lower body. He pulled Alex’s top leg up, his hand cupping the back of his knee before sliding along the back of Alex’s thigh. He grabbed the lube, squirting the remainder on his hand and then slicking up his cock before pressing it into position at Alex’s entrance.

“Tell me if it hurts or if it’s too much. I want this to be good for you,” Michael said when Alex broke their kiss in a small gasp at the feeling of Michael pressing against him. He nodded quickly before rolling back to face forward. Michael attached his mouth to Alex’s shoulder, not kissing him as much as keeping contact as he began to rock his hips forward in small presses against Alex’s body. He could feel Alex opening for him, slowly, his own hips rocking slowly as well. When Michael finally felt the tip pop through the tight ring of muscles, he paused, letting Alex adjust to it. He also brought his hand up so he could stroke it over Alex’s skin, petting his stomach and hips while he waited.

“Okay, keep going,” Alex breathed after a minute, emphasizing his statement by pushing back. Michael groaned at the feeling of his body moving over him, and he joined in with small pushes and retreats. He brought his hand up to Alex’s chest, fingers pinching and playing with Alex’s nipple to help distract him and keep him turned on and relaxed. He was rewarded with a hum of pleasure from the other man just as he bottomed out, hips pressed snugly against Alex’s ass. Michael pulled his hand away from Alex’s chest and took his cock in hand. He didn’t stroke him, just held him and let them breathe together. That feeling from earlier, to say things he had no business saying so soon, bubbled up in his chest again as he waited for Alex to give him the go ahead.

“God, did you get bigger? You feel fucking huge,” Alex groaned, his muscles fluttering around Michael as he shifted his body minutely. Michael chuckled against his shoulder.

“I’m pretty sure there’s a slight on my manhood in there,” Michael said, before squeezing his hand around Alex’s cock. Alex gasped out a curse and shifted his body again. Michael bit his lip and swore, trying his damnedest not to start moving until Alex gave him the go ahead.

“I just meant… I feel so fucking full right now. Like, holy shit. And it doesn’t hurt, it just feels… like so much,” he sighed out the last part, moving his hips in a slow grind back against Michael’s body.

“Fuck, Alex!” Michael groaned, hand gripping at Alex’s hip desperately. He didn’t want him to stop, but his own willpower felt close to crumbling if Alex kept moving the way he was. “Can I…. can I move?”

“Oh, yes! Sorry, I just thought… fuuuucck,” Alex said the last in a long, drawn out moan. Michael had pulled back as Alex had pushed his hips forward in a fluid move. He repeated the move with Alex a couple more times, letting him get used to feeling Michael moving inside of him in shallow, slow thrusts that worked with his natural movement. It felt like heaven and Michael could feel the sweat already breaking out on his skin at how hot it felt to be inside Alex’s body. The choked off little ‘ah’s coming out of Alex’s mouth every time Michael pushed in were killing him. He pulled back a little further on his next retreat before pushing back and saw Alex bury his face into the blankets, hand gripping onto the sheets.

“S’okay?” he asked, returning to the shallow movements until Alex answered.

“God, yes, do it again,” Alex answered in a broken voice. Michael did it again and this time he could see the way Alex squeezed his eyes shut, mouth open and panting, not a trace of pain in his expression. So he kept doing it, kept moving in ways that made Alex groan and cry and pant. He brought his hand down between Alex’s legs to stroke him and felt his hand slapped away. “No, I just want to feel this. Fuck, Michael, God.”

Michael felt the same way, his body already tightening with the need to cum. It didn’t matter how deep or fast he went, Alex’s body was pushing him with its warm clutch and the way it pushed back against his. He picked up his pace, rolling his body slightly forward to get more purchase and to help control his movement.

“Fuck, Michael!” Alex exclaimed as he did so, hand shooting out to grip Michael’s hip in apparent ecstasy. “Right there!”

Michael bit his lip and kept going, trying to think of anything but the noises Alex was making and how his body was starting to clench around Michael with every thrust. Alex’s nails were biting into the skin of his hip and it made him gasp and lose focus, his hips starting to snap against Alex’s as he drew closer.

“Touch yourself, Alex, please,” Michael begged against the skin of Alex’s neck before licking at the sweat that had gathered there. “I wanna feel you cumming around me.”

Alex retracted his hand off Michael’s hip and Michael watched as it snaked under him. He could feel the moment Alex started stroking himself through the tightening around his shaft. Michael gripped Alex’s chest, his arm clinging to him as he dug his body deep into the other man.

“Come on, baby, I wanna feel you. You feel so fucking good, I’m so close. I wanna feel you cum for me, please, baby,” Michael was babbling as he quickly approached his own release. The pressure building was monumental, felt blinding and almost painfully good, and a choked off gasp was the only warning he got before he felt Alex’s body spasming and clamping down on him. He let go then, let his body follow after Alex’s, hips grinding as he emptied himself into the condom.

He must’ve whited out a little, because he didn’t remember either of them slowing down or stopping the movement of their bodies. He was panting wet against Alex’s shoulder, his body still tucked close, cock still throbbing and sensitive inside Alex, skin slick with sweat between them. When he could think, he found that Alex was also panting, also sweating and laying still. He kissed his shoulder and then his neck before bringing a hand down to grip the condom as he pulled himself out. Both of them hissed from overstimulation, but Michael found he was the one kissing Alex’s skin and apologizing.

“Shhh, necessary evil,” Alex mumbled, clumsily patting at Michael’s face where he pressed it against his neck. Michael nodded, but stayed plastered to Alex’s back, not ready to move or deal with reality yet. Alex smelled like clean sweat and sex and tasted like ambrosia to Michael’s tongue as he pressed open mouthed kisses to his skin. His hand pet Alex’s damp skin, unable to settle until Alex grabbed it and held it pressed against his still thundering heart.

“How do you feel?” Michael asked quietly, secretly afraid that the reason Alex wasn’t moving was because he’d hurt him.

“Like every nerve ending in my body is alive and blissed out… but also like I need to move because I’m getting cold,” Alex griped. Michael giggled at the little whine Alex let out when he moved his body away from him in order to deal with the condom and grab a washcloth. When he returned to the bedroom, Alex hadn’t moved and Michael couldn’t help but smile at him. He quickly cleaned Alex’s skin, being gentle and pressing kisses into his hip as he maneuvered him finally to his back. Michael tossed the rag over to the side of the bed before crawling onto the mattress and lowering himself on top of Alex slowly. Alex groaned, but wrapped his arms around Michael’s neck and let him kiss him.

“Ready to get into a normal sleeping position and go to sleep?” Michael asked between kisses.

“Mmmmm, sleep,” Alex hummed appreciatively. Michael laughed and stole another kiss before shifting up to let Alex move himself on the bed with his head by the pillows and feet by the end under the sheet. Michael reached down and grabbed the comforter to pull up over them before hitting the switch on the lamp. Before he could decide what position he’d try to sleep in, wondering if Alex would want to touch while they slept or be left alone, he felt Alex pressing against his side. His head rested on Michael’s chest, hand sliding around to rest across his stomach, and leg thrown over Michael’s. Michael smiled and let himself be manhandled until Alex was happy.

“Goodnight,” Michael teased when Alex finally settled against him.

“’Night,” he replied through a yawn.

Sleep seemed to come upon Alex easily. Within minutes, his breathing was deep and his muscles heavy and slack against Michael’s body. Michael found himself lying there, enjoying the feel of Alex against him and looking out their open curtains at the night sky. Light pollution hid most of the stars, but he could see a few of them. He found himself thinking about Alex and what had just happened and the words that kept pushing at the back of his teeth, fighting to come out of him. He thought about Alex’s story about his dad and the shitty dudes he’d tried to date. Quietly, Michael started talking to Alex and the darkness surrounding them.

“I know you’re unsure whether you can trust someone. You’ve got trauma, for sure, but… I just feel like you and I could love each other, ya know? I think we could be that way if you let us and it would fill so many empty spaces inside of us. It wouldn’t be claustrophobic like the walls closing in, like someone taking over and becoming your world whether you wanted them to or not… I think it would be more like when you’re cold and a warm blanket gets wrapped around you. If it gets too much, you stick a foot out, or you loosen the folds around you, but if you need more you snuggle deeper. I could see us keeping each other warm… that’s really what I want,” he said to the empty air.

“Just give me time,” Alex’s sleepy voice said, making Michael jump slightly. “Now shhhh, sleep.”

“Yeah, yeah… okay,” Michael replied, unsure whether he should be embarrassed Alex apparently heard all that or relieved. Slowly, but surely he relaxed after that and fell asleep. Alex stayed pressed against him, body almost too warm, but unmoving. Michael wished on all the stars that he could see that they’d work out. 


	9. Stay Connected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex goes over to Michael's to model for his final project and Thanksgiving.

Michael paced nervously around his bedroom. Most of the house, Jackson included, had left the day before for their Thanksgiving holiday. A few of the brothers whose families were in Albuquerque technically were still around, but Michael was pretty sure they’d make themselves scarce until later in the evening. Jackson wouldn’t be back until Monday, so Michael felt sure if the door was closed, he was unlikely to be bothered. He didn’t know why he was so worried; he’d hung out with Alex before. He’d even hung out with Alex in his room before… if by hang out, he meant hook up during a party and then get ghosted. So, he was nervous. He’d cleaned up his side of the room and was nervously waiting for Alex to text and let him know he was there. It was time for Alex to model for his project and after the Santa Fe sleepover, he’d felt like Alex was almost avoiding him. ‘ _ Gain and inch, lose a mile,’ _ his brain supplied unhelpfully.

His phone chimed and without looking at it he bolted from his room and ran down the stairs. When he opened the door, Alex was standing on the front porch, bundled in his warmest gear and looking like a fucking dream. He’d seen him two days ago, but it felt like it had been weeks.

“Hey,” Michael breathed, an easy smile stretching across his face. Alex smiled back, looking a little bashful, before brushing past him into the house. Michael could smell the cold on him and the warm, clean, herbaceous scent of his soap.

“Hey,” Alex replied once he’d gotten into the warm interior of the house. Michael had to hold back from grabbing him and kissing him stupid in the middle of foyer. After Santa Fe they’d agreed to cool it for a while, agreed to give Alex time to decide what he wanted, and so Michael had stayed away. He hadn’t kept up with Alex at the library, hadn’t spoken with him after their last art class before break, hadn’t texted beyond what was necessary to tell him when to come over to work on his project. But he’d thought about him. He’d relived the hotel in Santa Fe over and over in his mind and seriously threatened the ability of their tankless water heaters to keep up with his increased shower demands. It had been hell not to text Alex every little thing he was thinking when he finally had his number and the ability to do so. So it had been a long five days for Michael Guerin’s restraint and seeing Alex in front of him was testing it even further.

“Should we go upstairs and get started?” Alex asked, grinning at Michael’s awkwardness. Michael shook himself, realized he’d been staring with probably the biggest set of heart eyes anyone had seen outside of a cartoon, and coughed out an embarrassed laugh.

“Yeah, sorry, sorry. It’s just… really good to see you,” Michael replied, forcing himself to turn and lead Alex up the stairs to his room. The pleased smile Alex had given him made his heart leap into his throat.

“So, is everyone gone besides us?” Alex asked from behind him. Michael smiled over his shoulder at him and looked around like he could see through the walls.

“I think they are right now, but there’s a couple townies who will be in and out. Is that alright?” he asked, hoping it would be. He’d wreck his bank account for another hotel room if it wasn’t.

“Oh! No, that’s fine. I was just wondering,” Alex assured him. Michael felt like they were having to learn to be around each other again. The air between them hummed with electricity and anticipation, but they were both keeping themselves tucked in and controlled. They were both on their best behavior and it was amplifying all the casual interactions they’d normally partake in.

Michael ushered Alex into his room and shut the door behind him. If someone did come home, he didn’t want them to happen upon them and make Alex feel awkward. This was definitely a little different than a studio space. Alex set his bag down on the desk by Michael’s bed and started shedding his coat and hoodie. He looked around the room like he hadn’t been there before, eyes taking in the posters and general bric-a-brac that people collected when they lived in a space for very long. His side of the room was much more cluttered than Jackson’s. There were rocks and crystals along the window sills, diagrams of science fiction spaceships, small cheap toys he’d found in Goodwill’s and treated himself to all over his space. Michael tried to follow Alex’s eyes to see the room as he saw it, but he couldn’t fathom what all this crap must say about him. Then Alex’s eyes fell on the bed and they both stilled as if it would grow teeth and bite at them.

“So, what did you have in mind?” Alex asked, eyeing the neatly made bed almost warily.

“Nothing super crazy. In fact, you can keep your underwear on if you want,” Michael joked. Alex looked at him a little shocked and Michael found himself backtracking, “Not that I don’t love seeing you naked! I just want you to do whatever makes you comfortable!”

Alex stared at him with a bland expression for a moment before Michael saw the corners of his mouth twitching up in a smile.

“Jerk,” Michael said, his own mouth twitching up into a smile as well. Alex walked over to him and grabbed the front of his shirt.

“You can have me in whatever position you want, Michael,” he said before pressing his lips lightly against Michael’s. “But you have to tell me what position that is.”

“Well, now I’m not thinking about art so thanks for that,” Michael complained, his hands sliding into the back pockets of Alex’s jeans and pulling their bodies flush.

“Well, redirect your thoughts. I don’t put out for people who fail their art finals,” Alex retorted, kissing the corner of Michael’s mouth before stepping back and breaking his hold. Michael watched him retreat to the other side of the room and knew that he was pouting. He took a steadying breath and then looked back at the bed, trying to remember what he had in mind.

“So I was thinking… I think I want you to kind of be lying on your side, but with your chest down maybe hugging a pillow? Like, you could totally nap in this position if you want to, do you… understand what I’m asking?” Michael asked, flustered. He’d never been in this position before, having to direct Alex a specific way, and it made him feel anxious. Alex gave him a reassuring smile and toed off his shoes. He moved towards the edge of the bed and looked down at it, assessing.

“Where do you want my head?” he asked.

“Towards the foot of the bed, angled with your feet at the head of the bed on the opposite side closest to the wall,” Michael answered. Alex looked at each corner, as if he was imagining it.

“Okay. Lemme get undressed. Where will you be?” Alex asked as he backed away from the bed towards the desk and started pulling his shirt over his head. Michael turned his head quickly so he wouldn’t get distracted by Alex’s skin and answered.

“I’m going to set up a chair down by your head and sketch from there. Is that okay?” he asked. He could hear the thump and jingle of clothes hitting the floor and his heart inexplicably sped up in response. It was almost worse listening instead of looking. He could imagine too clearly each limb and muscle being exposed as Alex pulled off his clothing. He heard the mattress squeak and turned to see Alex settling onto his side in the diagonal direction Michael had described. He looked up expectantly and Michael swallowed down the wave of lust and affection he felt just seeing Alex against his plaid blue and red flannel sheets. He reached up at the head of the bed and grabbed one of his pillows.

“Okay, so keep your hips where they are as much as you can. I want you to hug this to your chest and kind of… half lay on it?” Michael directed, handing Alex the pillow. Alex grabbed it and tucked it against his chest, starting to lay on it before he stopped and looked up at Michael, something obviously occurring to him.

“Where do you want this arm underneath? Do you want it to stay hidden or extended out over the edge of the bed?” Alex asked, unsure.

“Ugh, under you if that’s okay. Any way you can hide your hands would honestly make me a thousand times grateful. Hands are the damn devil,” Michael lamented. Alex laughed at him and curled his arm under his chest to hide it and wrapped his other arm around the pillow, tucking his hand under the edge.

“How does this look?” Alex asked, voice muffled by the pillow by his face. Michael went over to the lamp he’d positioned at the head of his bed near Alex’s feet and turned it on. Then he went to the main light switch and flipped it off. He came back to the chair he had set up and looked over Alex’s form, trying to decide if he liked how the shadows were hitting him. He moved and repositioned the lamp a few times before coming back and humming in satisfaction.

“Okay, looks great. Are you comfortable?” Michael asked, sitting down and grabbing his large drawing pad.

“My arm will probably go numb in about ten minutes, so I’ll need a break, but I’ll let you know when that happens. Otherwise, I could probably nap like this,” he said and Michael watched him take a deep breath and relax into the pose.

“Feel free to. Want me to put on some music?” Michael asked, looking over his pencils and charcoals trying to decide what to use first.

“Yeah, throw on something,” Alex mumbled, already sounding half asleep. Michael went over to his laptop and loaded up Pandora, clicking on his A Perfect Circle station and leaving it to run. Then he settled in and started to draw.

Alex fell asleep at some point and thirty minutes went by before Michael was even aware of it. He glanced up at the clock as he went to grab a smudging stick and noticed the jump in time. He’d made a fair amount of progress, but he didn’t want Alex to be sore when he woke up because of his trapped arm. He grabbed his phone and quickly snapped a picture of Alex for reference before he set his pad aside and bent down close to the bed.

“Hey Alex,” he said in a calm voice. Alex’s eyes fluttered, but he didn’t really seem to wake.

“Alex?” Michael tried again, laying his hand on Alex’s shoulder and shaking. Alex groaned in his sleep and buried his face deeper into the pillow he was hugging.

“Al-lex,” Michael said, this time in a sing-song voice as he ran his fingers lightly down Alex’s spine. He heard Alex grunt in acknowledgement.

“Did you need a break from this position?” Michael asked softly. Alex hummed and rolled fully on his stomach, arm uncurling from beneath him and stretching out to hang off the bed. Michael laughed quietly to himself before leaning over to kiss Alex’s bare shoulder. “I’m going to go make us some sandwiches.”

Michael made his way down to the kitchen and rooted around for the things he’d gotten to make him and Alex turkey sandwiches. He put the sandwiches together, grabbed a bag of chips, and the pumpkin pie he’d bought. He’d stuffed a couple cans of soda in his pocket and then he was on his way back upstairs. He shouldered his way through the door to his room and kicked it closed behind him. When the door shut, admittedly a little more forcefully than Michael had intended, Alex’s head popped up off the bed.

“Wha?” he asked, obviously still half asleep.

“Sorry. I kicked the door too hard. Hey, I brought us up some sandwiches and pie!” Michael announced, letting the bag of chips drop from under his arm onto the desktop. Alex blinked at him for a minute before slowly dragging himself into a sitting position on the bed, pillow tucked in his lap as he rubbed at his face.

“Gah, sorry. I really fell asleep, didn’t I?” he laughed, weakly.

“Yeah, you did. But it’s okay. I got most of the picture done while you napped. I was just afraid your arm would hurt if you kept laying on it like that,” Michael said, bringing the plate of sandwiches over and placing them on the mattress in front of Alex with the pie next to it. He grabbed the chips and opened the bag, setting it down next, before pulling the sodas out of his pocket and offering one to Alex.

“Feast of kings!” Michael announced before collapsing on the bed across from Alex. Alex snorted at him and grabbed one of the sandwiches, putting his soda on the floor next to the bed.

“Better than what I would’ve been having back at the dorm. Thank you for making me food,” Alex said through a mouth full of sandwich. Michael grinned and grabbed his own sandwich. They ate in silence for a while, just listening to the music and filling their stomachs. When it came time for the pie, Michael held a fork up between them, leveling a serious look at Alex.

“We can eat this now or we can eat it later. Is this a post posing snack or do we want to reward ourselves for what we’ve done so far?” Alex looked between Michael and the pie speculatively. He narrowed his eyes at the pie before turning back.

“Post posing snack,” he announced. Michael nodded and put the fork on top of the pie, then scooped it up and brought it back over to the desk. He grabbed the dirty plate and chip bag and set it off to the side to take downstairs later. He looked back over at Alex and watched him wiping off the bedsheet to get rid of any errant crumbs.

“Want to let the food settle for a little while before starting again?” Michael asked.

“What do you have in mind to do in the meantime?”

“We can watch a movie? Play truth of dare?” Michael suggested, wiggling his eyes at Alex for effect. Alex snickered and shook his head.

“No truth or dare. Especially if you have another bottle of that jalapeno shit. UGH!” Alex exclaimed, faking a gag at the mere mention of the jalapeno vodka from Halloween.

“That stuff was delicious. Your taste buds are just broken,” Michael ribbed him.

“That stuff was vile. Pretty sure  _ your _ taste buds are the ones broken. God, why would someone even make that stuff, much less sell it to the public?” Alex complained. Michael couldn’t help laughing at his offended expression towards the memory.

“It can’t be all bad, it helped me sleep with you,” Michael commented.

“How so?” Alex questioned, looking completely baffled.

“Well, Maria liked it enough to finish the bottle and then she left for more booze and I was able to use my wiles to seduce you,” Michael explained.

“Pretty sure you were the prey that night, not the predator,” Alex commented, smirking over his soda at Michael.

“Let’s agree it was a little bit of back and forth on roles on that one,” Michael offered. They both laughed at the ridiculousness of their conversation.

“I mean, does it matter who was chasing whom? You got me,” Alex said, eyes downcast and blush coloring his cheeks as he said it.

“Did I? Pretty sure I’m still chasing you…” Michael replied, watched as Alex glanced up at him through his eyelashes. He gave Michael a small, knowing smile before chucking the pillow off his lap and crawling over the bed to straddle Michael’s lap. Michael immediately wrapped his arms around Alex’s back, looking at him in fascination as he draped his arms around Michael’s neck and kissed him soundly.

“No, you got me. I’m yours,” he whispered against Michael’s lips before kissing him again. Michael tightened his arms, opening his mouth to deepen their kiss, and feeling like he’d finally had a holiday worth remembering.


	10. Love Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael models for Alex's photography hobby. Alex gets a devastating phone call and Michael helps him through the beginning of the aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'll come right out and say it... Read the end notes for a spoiler about the minor character canonical death. If you're worried but not sure you want the spoiler, let me just say that The Boys and their Relationship will be be perfectly fine.

“Shh, Shh, Shh,” Alex hushed Michael with a smile as he stumbled past Alex into the room, knocking his hip against a desk which started him giggling. Alex swung his arm around the other man’s waist and pulled him against him, covering his grinning lips with his own to drown out the laughter bubbling from him that was echoing down the hall outside the classroom. Michael melted into the kiss immediately and his laughter subsided into small hums of pleasure as their lips moved against one another. When Alex felt Michael’s wandering hands, he broke off the kiss and stepped away, turning his body so he could step further into the darkened classroom. He heard Michael’s whine of protest and smiled to himself. He hadn’t thought he’d ever get to have this feeling, this all-consuming pleasure at being wanted by another person. Michael had been right when he’d said it wouldn’t feel claustrophobic if he just gave into it. Alex didn’t think, however, that it felt like a blanket being wrapped around him. He thought it felt more like being sunk into a deep, warm bath where one could feel surrounded almost womb-like in love. He hoped the feeling never faded for them.

Alex ran his hand over the wall until he found the light switches. He flicked the third one on and a light towards the back of the classroom fluttered on in a hum of electricity. Hands wrapped around his torso from behind and he felt the pleasant scratch of Michael’s day-old stubble against his neck making him break out in goosebumps.

“You sure you want to do this? We have done so many more interesting things in this room, ya know? We could maybe replay the highlight reel,” Michael suggested, breath warm against Alex’s ear and body pressed close behind him. For a split second Alex considered it, body flushing with heat as he thought about all the things they’d done together in the closet not twenty feet from where they stood, but then he remembered that he’d only get the classroom for tonight. It was only a few days before the campus shut down for winter break and this was his last opportunity before Pam would start cleaning out the drawers and putting away all the supplies until next semester. He gently broke free of Michael’s wandering hands before turning and walking backwards while talking.

“Maybe later. You promised you’d help me with this,” Alex chided, secretly preening under Michael’s attentive, hungry gaze. He reached out his hand to beckon Michael forward and felt a small thrill through his body as he rushed towards him. He grabbed his hand and started towards the middle of the room where the modeling stage was set up. Alex had been in the room earlier that day to get the white photography backdrop set up along with his lights and cameras. He’d borrowed a few cameras from Pam so he could set up different tripods at different angles and heights with the idea that he’d be able to easily slip between one to the next without a pause therefore maximizing his time in the studio with Michael. Michael, who’d agreed to model for him despite his dubiousness about his ability to relax enough for good photos, had about four shots of vodka in him so he’d feel more relaxed and was only halfway succeeding in it.

Alex deposited Michael to the side of the backdrop near one of the small tables set up to hold art supplies before moving around to start turning on equipment.

“Go ahead and disrobe for me?” Alex suggested, feeling himself start to shift into his ‘work’ mindset as he began to fiddle with one of the cameras. From the corner of his eye, he watched Michael sullenly sip from a flask. Michael was staring at the blank space in front of the cameras with a certain amount of trepidation. When he heard Alex’s voice, he started a little and then pushed the flask back into his pocket before standing up and starting to pull off his coat.

“You sure no one is going to come in here with the lights on?” Michael asked, toeing off his shoes and looking over at the door nervously.

“You could lock the door?” Alex teased, trying to lighten the mood. Michael grimaced at him but walked quickly over to the classroom door and turned the deadbolt on it. When he returned, Alex was digging in Michael’s coat to find the flask so he could take a swig himself. Michael’s nerves were rubbing off on him.

“So… what am I supposed to be doing while you take photos of me?” Michael asked, voice muffled behind his shirt as he stripped it off over his head. Alex sipped the vodka and watched Michael getting undressed in front of him.

“Whatever you want to do,” Alex replied simply with a shrug. He dug his iPod out of his pocket and started queuing up the playlist he’d constructed for this evening’s activities. He walked over and set it in the dock on the classroom stereo and hit play. Fall Out Boy’s “Dance, Dance” started to fill the space.

“And you went with emo music, of course,” Michael said, rolling his eyes. Alex smirked when he saw him start to wiggle his hips a little to the beat. He knew Fall Out Boy was a guilty pleasure of Michael’s, so he didn’t feel too bad about including ‘emo music’ on the playlist.

“I don’t remember it ever taking you this long to get naked before…. Need some help?” Alex called over to Michael as he made the final adjustment to his last tripod. Through the viewfinder he saw Michael step onto the stage and shoot him a dirty look, raising a middle finger at him that made Alex laugh. He stood back up and looked over Michael’s gloriously nude body. He loved how wild and masculine his body was. He loved the dark hair that covered his chest and belly, loved his barely trimmed bush and the natural muscle he’d built up from the past couple years of hard labor during school breaks. Alex thought Michael might be one of the most beautiful people he’d ever seen, even though he knew that his opinion was probably clouded by the vast amount of affection he felt towards him.

“I swear I’m not doing this to torture you,” Alex said as he moved out from behind the camera to grab Michael’s hands and pull them behind his back as Alex leant forward to kiss him.

“I know, I know. I’m just being whiny. Let’s get this show on the road,” Michael grumped. He squeezed Alex’s hands in a silent apology for his being a jerk and leaned their foreheads together for a moment before taking a deep breath and stepping back. He gave Alex a grinning, sardonic look and held his arms out away from his body. “I am yours.”

“You bet you are,” Alex teased back as he stepped back behind the cameras. He let Michael hold the pose for a minute while he snapped some pictures. Alex realized quickly he was going to have to tell Michael exactly what he wanted to do so he started calling out orders. “Twist!” “Play with your hair!” “Turn around!” Michael followed them all, but even with the music and booze he was a little stiff. Frustrated, Alex tried to think of some way to get him out of his head. He remembered that two of the cameras had remotes to them and an idea started to take shape.

“Hold it for a second, Michael. I’m going to change something over here,” Alex explained as he went over to the camera bags set on one of the worktables at the back of the room. He rifled through them until he found the remotes for two of the cameras. When he turned back, he saw Michael standing on the edge of the stage taking a deep swallow from his flask. Alex clicked one of the remotes and saw the furthest camera’s review screen flash on. Smiling, he clicked the other remote and saw the center camera’s review screen pop on also. An idea occurred to him and he set down the remotes and started to remove his shirt.

“Uh, whatcha doing, Alex?” he heard Michael’s voice carry over to him. Alex bent over and stripped off his socks before turning to work on unbuttoning his pants.

“If you can’t tell, then I’m doing it wrong,” he joked. Michael smiled over at him and raised the flask in salute. He recapped it and set it on top of his coat. By the time he’d turned back to Alex, Alex had pushed off his jeans and was stepping out of them to walk back to the stage. He grabbed the remotes and quickly hid his hands behind his back before he started walking, a mischievous smile stretching his mouth. 

It was warmer under the studio lights than it had been over by the table. Michael’s hands had settled on Alex’s hips as soon as he was within reach and he was looking at Alex questioningly. Something about being on the stage always pushed sexual desire to the back burner in Alex’s mind. Even when he’d been actively dating Forrest and modeling with him, there was something about the visible or invisible audience that squelched that particular emotion. With Michael he could see it was near the same. The desire would be there when they were finished with their project, but with the lights on it felt like the most unromantic setting imaginable.

“Pick a hand,” Alex ordered before he pressed his lips to Michael’s in a kiss that tasted distinctly of cranberry vodka. Michael responded to the kiss with a hum of appreciation as he smoothed his hands from Alex’s hips to his shoulders and then down to his clenched hands behind his back. Alex felt a tap on his left hand, and he opened his palm and felt Michael’s fingers slip around the remote. After a moment, Michael ended the kiss and brought the remote up in between them and looked at it and then at Alex confused.

“So, this controls one of these cameras. If you hit this button here,” Alex said, pointing out the green button in the middle, “it’ll take a shot. I figured I’d give you some control.”

“Okay?” Michael responded, still sounding like he wasn’t really following Alex’s train of thought.

“I’ve got a remote too,” Alex continued, holding up his own remote, “that controls another one of the cameras. I don’t know which one is which, but I figured we could stand up here and talk, or make out, or dance, or whatever and if you see something that strikes you, you can click the button and it’ll snap a photo. I think it’ll be interesting to see what or when we photograph. What do you think?”

“I think,” Michael started before he paused and looked down at the remote in his hand. He seemed to be deciding something, his attention focused inward as he slowly curled his fingers around the small plastic rectangle. “I think that sounds like an interesting idea.”

“Yeah?” Alex asked, excitement starting to flood into his system when it seemed like Michael might be into the idea. Michael’s own smile was slow to show on his face, but he held up the remote and very obviously hit the button with his thumb. Alex laughed out some of his own nervous energy and held up his own remote and emphatically hit the shutter button also. Michael started laughing with him and then drums and big band influenced horns filled the studio as a new song broke through their moment in a burst of musical jubilation.

“Wanna dance?” Michael asked, holding out his hand for Alex to take. Alex grabbed it and Michael immediately pulled Alex’s body against his and spun them around. When they stopped, Michael started a simple, but lively two step to the beat of the song. Alex vaguely wondered if he’d set the speed up fast enough to catch them in action or if Michael was using the remote but decided he didn’t really care. Even if this was nothing but ghostly blurs when he downloaded them, he loved getting to have fun with Michael in the meantime. Michael spun him and dipped him, hands sure as they moved around the stage under the lights. The song had started to fade out when Alex’s phone started to ring. Alex frowned and went over to grab it. He looked down and saw Kyle Valenti’s name flashing on his screen and he grimaced. He pushed the ‘Ignore’ button and brought the phone back over with him, throwing it onto Michael’s coat on his way back over towards the center of the stage.

“Who was that?” Michael asked, curiously.

“Hm? Nobody,” Alex replied, feeling a little unsettled by seeing Kyle’s name on his phone. They hadn’t spoken since high school when Kyle had verbally attacked him outside of prom their senior year. He’d left that conversation with a split lip and Kyle had received a bruised cheek.

“You sure?” Michael asked, his hands coming up to the sides of Alex’s face. He smoothed his thumbs over Alex’s eyebrows, smoothing where they’d drawn together in consternation. “These eyebrows say something different.”

“Just a guy I knew from back home,” Alex hedged warily, trying to relax and enjoy the feeling of Michael’s hands on him. He didn’t really want to get into it. Before he could suggest they try to get some more photos in, his phone started ringing again. He clenched his jaw and took a deep breath in.

“Maybe you should just answer this nobody and find out what he wants?” Michael suggested. “Seems like he’s going to be one of those dudes that doesn’t get the message and will keep calling until you do.”

Alex shook his head as his phone went silent.

“I really don’t want to talk to him,” Alex admitted, quietly before his phone began the grating electronic sound once more.

“Want me to tell him to fuck off?” Michael offered, hands falling onto Alex’s shoulders and squeezing comfortingly. He was looking at Alex intently and Alex didn’t know how he felt about the scrutiny. He didn’t like feeling like he needed a protector because he’d felt like that his entire childhood, but he was also uncomfortably aware how touched he was that Michael would offer to step in against an unknown for him. But Alex wasn’t a child anymore and he’d been protecting himself for a long time.

“No, if he calls again I’ll answer it,” Alex decided resolutely. Vaguely he wondered how Kyle had gotten his number. He didn’t know if he’d ever spoken to Kyle on his cell, but he kept him programmed in because Kyle’s dad had insisted.

“Okay,” Michael agreed easily. They stood there silently for a moment, both waiting for the phone to start up again. Predictably it did and Alex let out a disgusted noise before turning and stalking over to grab his phone.

“What?” he snapped after hitting the connect key. He was met with heavy breathing on the other end of the line. His stomach tightened into a knot instantly, anger starting to melt away. “Kyle?”

“Alex?” Kyle’s voice came over the line raspy and somehow distant sounding. Alex wondered if he was drunk dialing him, wondered if it was a different Alex that Kyle was hoping to speak to.

“Yeah. What’s going on?” Alex asked, trying not to read too much into the eerie silence on the other end of the line.

“My dad…” Kyle started, voice cracking unexpectedly, and Alex felt his blood go cold.

“Your dad? What’s going on, Kyle? Is he alright?” Alex asked, panic starting to make his heart race and his voice rise in pitch.

“My dad’s dead,” Kyle said, barely forcing the words out before Alex heard him heaving in giant breaths, small sobs escaping on the exhales. “Cancer. It happened real fast. Days…. I just had days with him by the time mom told me…”

Alex stumbled back, his legs going weak underneath him. He felt Michael’s arms wrap around him and his body brace Alex’s from behind.

“Alex?” Michael asked quietly. His voice seemed to break whatever small part of Alex that was holding on because Alex broke. He turned in Michael’s arms and buried his head against his chest, phone still pressed tightly against his ear as he listened to Kyle sob on the other end of the line. Alex hadn’t started crying yet, hadn’t felt the news truly hit him, but it was like falling down from a tall height. He dreaded the end, but he knew he’d get there eventually. His body was already starting to tense for the impact he’d make when he hit the ground.

“The funeral is in a couple days. I just… I wanted you to know. I know you love-- _loved_ him, too,” Kyle managed to get out in a watery voice. Alex clenched his jaw hard, knowing if he opened his mouth that only a scream would come out of it. Kyle kept speaking, but Alex didn’t hear a word of it. He’d started to slide to the floor, his legs losing their battle with strength, and Michael was there helping to keep him from slamming onto the ground. Jim Valenti had been the only positive male role model he’d had growing up. Alex had always been so jealous of Kyle having him as a father, especially when compared to his own. Jim had been the one to drive him to Albuquerque and had bought him his bedding and towels for the dorm. He’d just spoken to Mr. Valenti last week, he’d seemed fine, a little tired perhaps… Alex felt the hot flood of tears starting to stream down his cheeks and he finally had to breathe in through his mouth to get enough air into his lungs.

“Alex?” he heard Kyle say his name. It broke through the torrent of emotion that was starting to leak out of him.

“I’m here, I’m here… I’m so sorry, Kyle,” Alex answered, pushing down the feeling in his chest. He needed to hold it together for just a little longer. “Send me the funeral info, okay? I’ll be there.”

“Yeah, okay. Yeah,” Kyle replied, sounding confused and hurt by his abruptness. Alex knew Kyle wanted something more from him, wanted Alex to maybe grieve _with_ him, but that wasn’t something Alex felt like he could do at the moment. He and Kyle had been friends when they were children, but they were strangers if not enemies now and there had been a lot of pain and suffering in between. Kyle could find someone else’s shoulder to cry on. 

“I’ll talk to you later, Kyle. I gotta go,” Alex said in a rush, suddenly annoyed at Kyle’s impertinence in expecting him to forget all the shitty things Kyle had done to him so they could be ‘brothers’ in mourning together. He hit the ‘end’ key before Kyle could even say ‘goodbye.’ Michael’s arms tightened around his shoulders as he threw his phone to the side.

“What happened?” Michael asked quietly, one of his hands rubbing soothing circles between Alex’s shoulder blades. Alex rested his cheek against his own knees, staring unseeing at the white backdrop that glowed under the hot lights.

“My surrogate dad died. That was his son calling to tell me. Looks like I’ll be returning to Roswell over break to attend a funeral,” Alex told him, voice unnaturally even as he tried to lay out only the facts. He didn’t want to feel yet.

“Oh God,” Michael whispered in a shocked voice. Alex nodded and before he knew it, he was crying. This time he wasn’t able to keep it silent. He let out broken, loud, ugly sobs as he thought about the fact that he’d never get to see Jim alive again. He’d hoped that Jim would attend his graduation. He’d hoped Jim would help him move into his first apartment. He’d hoped Jim would… do so many things for him that his own father wouldn’t. So, he mourned not only the loss of his surrogate father, but the loss of that father’s love and support. He didn’t feel ready to be on his own.

Michael let him cry until he was just clinging and rocking against him. The remotes lay forgotten on the floor near where they sat, and Alex briefly regretted not getting more shots of them happy together. He didn’t feel like he’d be happy again for quite a while.

“Let’s… when you’re ready… let’s pack up and go back to my place. Jackson is already gone home for the winter break,” Michael suggested. Alex finally raised his head from his knees so he could look back at all the equipment out and ready to go. He’d planned on coming back the next day to break down everything. Right then even the thought of it made him exhausted. It had to be done, though.

“Okay,” Alex answered, voice low and rough from his crying. Michael pulled himself forward on the floor until his legs were splayed almost comically wide so he could press his chest against Alex’s knees in a hug. Alex appreciated the warmth of him, the way he surrounded Alex with his body and Alex moved his legs so he could press his knees against the back of Michael’s ribs. Michael’s lips pressed small kisses into his neck and shoulder and in a way it put parts of Alex back together. It struck Alex as funny that he was naked in every way he could be, but the only way he noticed was emotionally. He felt like every piece of him was open to the cold, dry wind of the desert and Michael was the only thing keeping him from freezing to death.

“Okay,” Alex said again, this time his voice a little stronger. They couldn’t stay naked in the middle of a college classroom forever. He pulled himself back so he could straighten his spine and stretch his legs out over the top of Michael’s. He leaned back on his hands and stared into Michael’s worried face trying to imagine what his face looked like. “Let’s get this place cleaned up.”

Michael nodded once and then Alex untangled himself, pushing himself into a standing position stiffly. He wobbled for a moment, feeling weak as a day-old kitten, but found his balance again after another moment. They got dressed on their own, but Michael picked up his pile of clothes to dress beside Alex at the back of the room. He hovered while Alex pulled on his pants and shirt. He didn’t touch Alex like he normally might, but he stayed close by, leaning his hip against the worktable, just watching as Alex moved. Alex felt colder once he was covered in cloth instead of pressed skin to skin against Michael’s body and it made him want to hurry to get them somewhere where they could cling to one another without barriers again. So, he instructed Michael on how to break down the lights and backdrop while he started collecting the cameras from their tripods. The work made his mind clear and he found he could focus now that he was moving and doing something. They cleaned up the area quickly. Alex cast a final look around the classroom before he hit the lights. He wondered how he would feel about this space next semester when he had to once again get naked for strangers and get lost in his mind for an hour at a time. Michael’s hand wormed its way into his own, fingers lacing themselves with Alex’s, before he tugged gently towards the exit. With a sigh, Alex turned off the lights and followed, heart hurt, but knowing Michael would take care of him for as long as he let him and Alex wanted to let him, wanted to bury himself in Michael’s affection and warmth, wanted to lose himself in being treated like he was precious and wanted. He’d need that, he knew, to help him get past the blow life had just dealt him. He wasn’t ready to be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Spoiler: I'm killing Jim Valenti. *shrugs* And it'll suck for Alex, but the boys as a couple will be fine. ***

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to drop me a line and let me know how you're enjoying this college AU! You can leave a comment here or come visit me on my [ tumblr! ](http://skinsharpenedteeth.tumblr.com)


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